Sunday, March 08, 2009

In which I start shouting, too.

To say that I've been stunted with my blog posting for the past, well, since August of last year...would be an understatement. Oh, I tried. There was a time when I wanted more than anything to be like some of the fun and witty women blog writers that I read every day, and I set out in, uh, right, August of last year to finally pin myself down and be all disciplined and just do it, for crying out loud, instead of just wishing about it, because, dangit, I can do it too and so help me I'm going to prove it! I can be just as funny as they are and you just watch me!

...yeah. We see how well that worked out.

Honestly, it wasn't because I can't do it. It wasn't because I don't have a one-liner or some sort of snarky observation for pretty much everything that happens ever in life. (My entire family is nodding in agreement right now. So are my coworkers. And my friends. And...well, never mind. I think you get it.) I know I haven't really, like, shown that in this blog to any kind of consistent degree, but really. I do. I could. I can. I love it. Really.

But I was censoring myself. Because you know what? That's not all of me. And despite my previous notions of omg, this is what I want to do too! - it's not even the best of me. Not by a long shot. Because, when it comes right down to it, the best of me isn't me at all.

I was censoring myself, because I wouldn't let myself talk about God - about the most important, vital, ever-changing, ever-growing, deepest, and most meaningful relationship in my life. I told myself that I wanted a more secular (whatever that means) blog - that is, one that would attract a wider viewership and, consequently, get me more attention. There. I've said it. That was it. My great, grand vision was to make this blog about self-promotion and not about God-promotion.

No wonder the well of material dried up almost instantly. I mean, duh. I can't believe it took me this long to get it.

So tonight, as I've been moving through a very intense, wonderful, growing spiritual time, tonight as I cocked my eyebrow and examined this skin-and-bones caricature of a blog, tonight as I literally could not for the life of me come up with one single solitary thing to write about that didn't include, involve, or, truth be told, revolve around my great and loving Lord - I finally realized what God was telling me to do.

Like the leper Jesus healed in Mark 1:40-45...I'm going to start shouting too.

I'm leaving the previous posts up because I wrote them, they are me, and there's nothing really wrong with them per se. But from now on, I can't censor myself anymore. I can't keep myself from talking about what my Lord is doing.

Because He is the best of me. And He. Is. AMAZING!