tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-319526172024-03-13T11:27:06.358-04:00 Hip Deep in PieElissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.comBlogger98125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-12520411225545637562013-02-19T21:23:00.000-05:002013-02-19T21:34:22.068-05:00Doing Something Together<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.'" <b>-Genesis 2:18</b></i></div>
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<i>"It's about <b>doing something together</b>." -<b>MacKenzie, "The Newsroom"</b></i></div>
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Today is February 19th. Valentine's Day, that holiday of manufactured affection and sales bumps for the chocolate and diamond industry, is over for another year. Last Thursday, I took cupcakes with pink frosting and heart sprinkles to the office. I wore red and lace and smiled and complimented other girls' roses and jewelry and cards, and it was fine. Honestly. It really is a made-up holiday, and not one that really bothers me to be alone for anymore. I'm well practiced at it.</div>
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But now, it's over; and since today was a very special day for me last year, I thought I'd write a little bit about what I carry with me in my heart - my fondest hope and dearest petition to my Daddy, God. </div>
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It might not be exactly what you'd think.</div>
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When I was in London in 2006, spending the most creative, faith-challenging, and also the loneliest year of my life following God to another country to get my Master's degree, I spent a lot of time listening to a certain pastor and his wife. (I won't say who it was, because people can get kerfluffled quickly about pastors, and not seeing the forest for the trees is one thing I don't need to be manufacturing, believe me.) The pastor himself is a spunky, lively man, a former professional musician who sings every chance he gets and whose charmingly infectious laugh comes easily. His wife is one of the women I want to be when I grow up: a petite lady, she is nevertheless a powerhouse of faith, supporting, praying over, and edifying her husband and their ministry together. He is strong where she is weak and she is steadfast when his faith falters. He often says that she has <i>pit-bull faith</i> and when she grabs onto something God has spoken to her, she won't let it go for anything. In those long weeks when almost all I did was listen to their messages and spend time in the Word, I asked God to give me <i>pit-bull faith</i> too. I didn't know what I was asking for at the time, but I'm pretty sure He was listening.</div>
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During that summer, they both spoke at a conference with other pastors and leaders of their denomination. When the pastor got up to introduce his wife, he started out by saying, "This is the woman that God has put by my side." She then went on to deliver a message that, no exaggeration, tangibly changed my life from that day forward.</div>
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Let me bottom line it for you: I've been single for almost all of my 30 years. I am not afraid to be alone. In fact, often times I prefer it. I will isolate myself purposefully: to pray, to spend time with God, to recharge. For these many years, it's just been God and me, and praise Him, I know Him better and myself well because of it. </div>
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I don't<i> </i>want to be married just to be married. I don't want to be married because I want someone to take out the garbage, or change the clocks, or kill bugs, or get things down off high shelves. (Though in truth, those will be perks - I'm tiny!) I can manage my own money and make my own decisions. I'm not afraid to sleep alone in my apartment or go on trips by myself. I've done it all - I know I can do it. </div>
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I don't want to be married because I'm lonely, or because I'm incomplete, or because I'm waiting for my life to start. I don't even want to be married to have children, necessarily - that's up to God and I don't know where He stands on the subject yet.</div>
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I don't need a savior - I already have One.</div>
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What I want, what I glimpsed just a glimmer of last year at this time, what my heart cries out to my Daddy, God, for, on Valentine's Day and every other day, is a <i>partner</i>. <i>A ministry partner.</i></div>
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I look at marriage as a joining together of myself and my ministry partner so that we can live a life together poured out in service to our Lord: bringing each other closer to God by virtue of who we are, and using the spiritual powerhouse that will be us together to work for good in ways that neither of us could do separately. We will be <i>doing something together.</i></div>
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During that summer in London, God spoke many things to me about my future life. I <i>know</i> He is calling me into active, purposeful ministry. I <i>know</i> He is calling me - in fact, He calls me daily - to step up, to use my passions and my talents and my <i>substance</i> - to minister to others, to help them grow in their faith, to help them see Him and experience His love in new, radical, relevant ways. He calls every Christian to do this, but He's spoken specifics to me then and now. I'm even pretty well sure on how He wants me to begin my lifelong journey of service to Him - in fact, I've already started.</div>
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But I know that there is more for me to do than I can do alone. I know that there is someone out there with whom I can do more with him as my partner than I could do on my own or that he could do by himself. I know there is someone whom God is calling in the same way, with the same pull on his heart, with the same love for our Lord and the same desire to step up and serve Him that I have had flickering and burning inside of me like an ember that just won't die, despite the years and struggles and gallons of discouragement heaped on them since those whispers of the Holy Spirit in my dorm room in north London. Someone who is strong when I am weak, and someone for whom I can be steadfast when his faith falters. Someone who will be proud to have me by his side and who will be overjoyed to be half of our partnership.</div>
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Now, whoever that is, it's up to God to tell him about it.<br />
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In the years since London, God has put me through a lot. Wilderness periods followed by seasons of happiness and blessing, followed by being dragged out into the wilderness again. Pounding and shaping and molding. Learning patience, gumption, self-assurance, professionalism, maturity, when to stick my neck out and when to keep quiet; toilet scrubbing, bill paying, getting my oil changed or my tires fixed, how to roast a chicken to perfection or make Eggplant Parmesan from scratch. Thinking I might know what on God's green earth I'm doing to suddenly having the rug yanked out from under me and hitting rock bottom, hard - more than once. Learning how to say <i>I'm sorry </i>when I should be, and also learning how to say<i> that really hurt me</i> when it needs to be said.<br />
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I can only hope and pray that these years have been preparation for the day when God blesses me abundantly with my ministry partner for life: the man who will be proud to say <i>"This is the woman that God has put by my side." </i>Not because my life will begin then, but so that the life that I've lived thus far will add and contribute to the ministry that our life will be as we are <i>doing something together</i> for Him.<br />
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<i>"Let us hold to each other until the end of our days." <b>-Rob Thomas, "Now Comes the Night"</b></i></div>
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<i>"So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What God has joined together, let no man separate."<b> -Jesus, Matthew 19:6</b></i></div>
Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-78886267536636359512013-02-07T18:06:00.000-05:002013-02-07T18:06:25.321-05:00Sleeping at the Wheel<i><div style="text-align: center;">
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<i>I would give anything</i></div>
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<i>But for the grace of God I'm here and still aware</i></div>
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<i>We know the end is overrated</i></div>
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<i>We've become the walls we raise</i></div>
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<i>We don't believe enough but we still care</i></div>
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<i>Standing on the edge without a prayer</i></div>
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<i>So come on, come on, it's all we've got</i></div>
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<i>Our hands are full, our lives are not</i></div>
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<i>The loose affiliation with the real</i></div>
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<i>We're sleeping at the wheel. <b>-Matchbox Twenty</b></i></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNNWZLgUNViS-imV0357xJ2sy7-dXtzsYpW-Uus0qObB5OA_L-tywx-kkArd2x6Brv1PicbcI2lTrAaT5AyjGsodSVfBZxfrLcXrNJ9vryq9hOYQNusDxXpzP8OexLALC0fHZA/s1600/sleeping+at+the+wheel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNNWZLgUNViS-imV0357xJ2sy7-dXtzsYpW-Uus0qObB5OA_L-tywx-kkArd2x6Brv1PicbcI2lTrAaT5AyjGsodSVfBZxfrLcXrNJ9vryq9hOYQNusDxXpzP8OexLALC0fHZA/s320/sleeping+at+the+wheel.jpg" width="320" /></a>A niggling, prickly restlessness has been growing in my
spirit for some time now, unsettledness about my own faith and that of the people
around me. Talk is cheap. Promises are hollow. Words mean nothing when they’re not followed
by actions. <i>I believe</i> is a boldfaced lie when it isn't followed by <i>and because of that, here’s what I’m going
to do about it</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We can say we believe; we can say we’re people of faith -
but are we acting like it?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Life is hard. I get
it. Really, I do. As people in my generation get older and we
no longer have the protective shelter of our parents’ homes or our parents’
money or our parents’ reassurances to comfort and coddle us about what special
snowflakes we are; as we go out and face the big bad world which, frankly, doesn't really care and expects us to show up and earn our keep, our faith is
tried and tested and twisted and changed.
<i>I’ll be there</i> is easy to
deliver on when you have all the time in the world, but in the real world, we
don’t.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So I ask again – what are we doing about it?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Let’s bottom line it here:
what kind of faith do we want? Do
you want a pat, cotton-candy “belief system” that pacifies us by the “power of
positive thinking” into believing that everything is perfect, wonderful,
sunshine and fairy dust, and then the bottom falls out when things go
wrong? A “religion” that’s a
band-aid? A “doctrine” that’s a
placebo? So many of us have been living
in that magical bubble of a fairyland and simply don’t know how to react when,
as our Lord Jesus assured us it would, tragedy strikes us and the people we
claim to love.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Or, instead, do we want to engage in active, living, mature
relationships with the Creator of our souls that push us to<i> be better</i>, to <i>do more</i>,
to step up and prove that we mean what we say when we say we have faith?<o:p></o:p></div>
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What do <i>you </i>want? Do you want a faith that honest-to-goodness changes
you, matures you, grows you, and improves you?
Do you want to know a God who isn't content to leave you the way you
are, but instead wants you to be all you can be for Him and His glory?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Or are we all just sleeping at the wheel?<o:p></o:p></div>
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I used to call myself a “hippie dippy Christian flower
child” and was proud to do it. I thought
I was being accessible to people of all faith walks. But that’s not good enough anymore. Now, I’m taking an even firmer stance. I don’t want to be a hippie. I don’t want to
just frolic around a field or in a forest making like the world is perfect and
everything is wonderful and nothing bad can ever happen. I don’t want to be an ostrich with my head in
the sand, ignoring the needs of God’s children in a fallen world. The thing is, God never said that our lives
would be perfect. In fact, He said the
exact opposite. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I want to be a radical, fanatical, genuine Christian. I want to be <i>just like Jesus.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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I think it’s high time we started being real with each
other. This isn't just about holding
hands and singing Kumbaya on Sunday mornings or affirming each other on
Wednesday night and doing whatever we want the rest of the time. Don’t get me
wrong, those things are great; but there’s so much more to it than that. It’s about love – real, unconditional,
unwavering love. It’s about stepping up
and doing what’s needed. It’s about
being loyal when loyalty counts and being on the other end of the hug or the
phone or the table or the prayer <i>every
single time</i>. It’s about meaning what
you say and saying what you mean. It’s
about sticking by your word. It’s about
showing grace to those who disappoint you and forgiveness to those who hurt
you, just like Jesus did. It’s about
saying “<i>I love you</i>” and then showing
it, over and over and over again.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I have seen so many people who have been devastated by
others not being there for them. I've seen so many people profess love and affection when things are good, but they’re
nowhere to be found when the skies get rough.
They don’t show up by the sickbed.
They’re absent at the memorial. They
won’t visit the prison. More than that,
they can’t even entertain the idea that those types of things could even
happen. They can’t talk about the real
stuff, the uncomfortable stuff. They
flake out. They run away. They’re just, very simply, <i>not there</i>. Their “belief system” doesn't have an answer
for when life happens and stuff gets <i>real</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I hate to admit it, but I’m guilty of the same thing. I've not shown up when I said I would. I've made excuses for how busy I am or how
hard my life is so I don’t have to deal with tragedy. I've pushed people away and put up walls
rather than admit my own mistakes or insecurities. I've kept quiet out of “meekness” when I
should have extended a word of comfort, kindness, or support.<o:p></o:p></div>
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That’s not real faith, and I’m sick of it - in myself and
everyone else who claims the name of Jesus.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So what’s the answer?<o:p></o:p></div>
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I don’t think there is just one. But right now, in this moment, after living
through more than half a year of more tragedy than I've seen in any nightmare,
I’m taking a stand in my own life. No
more excuses. No more whining. No more running or hiding or flaking
out. It’s time to decide who we’re going
to be, and in Jesus’ name, I am a Christian woman and that means something to
me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Lord, help me to be
more like You – every single time.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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How about you?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-10397464563800848362013-01-26T17:37:00.000-05:002013-01-26T20:23:18.265-05:00Streams in the Wasteland<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." <b>-Isaiah 43:18-19</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">In the more than five years that have passed since I obeyed
God’s call to move to Raleigh, </span>I've<span style="font-family: inherit;"> felt as if the battle has been constantly
uphill. I have had nine different jobs.
My toy poodle and I have lived in six different apartments, one of which I
found just days shy of us being homeless. My closest friends have suffered more injury
and injustice than anyone should in a lifetime, much less in five years. Also, </span>I've<span style="font-family: inherit;"> been through several failed
relationships (and pseudo-relationships), the most recent dissolution of which
was nothing short of just pitifully tragic and left me feeling like a
life-giving, spirit-illuminating candle had been snuffed out in my soul.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When I woke up this New Year’s Day, I found myself looking
blankly up at the ceiling and realized that in the last few months I had
settled into an attitude of forlorn complacency. I’d accepted that this is it, then, and at 30
years old staring down the barrel of yet another long, cold, lonely winter, I
realized I’d been behaving for months like there is just no more fight left in
me. I had become a modern day Miss
Havisham, rotting spiritually and emotionally in the ruins of hope continually
deferred.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">But God.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Suddenly, words God spoke to me six months ago rushed into
my ears like a flood. I remember it like
it was yesterday: I was sitting in a
church basement on a Wednesday evening.
It was mid-July, and God’s rich blessings to me throughout the previous
year were now totally up in the air. Everything was uncertain, and the foreboding
scent of approaching tragedy wafted around unmistakably. As I sat there during the service, I <i>knew</i> that things were going to
drastically, starkly change, and I was <i>not
happy.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">In fact, I was furious.
I felt duped and betrayed by God, like I was watching Him wrap His
fingers around the rug He was about to yank out from underneath me. As the certainty settled into my spirit that
I wouldn’t be back at that church for awhile, knowledge that was surely being
divinely given, I flung my anger and heartbreak back at God in silent but
virulent consternation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The service was an hour long. Forty-five minutes into it, I had not given
God one second of respite from my heartbroken vitriol. (Those of you who know me in person will
believe this easily.) <i>Why</i> was all of this happening? <i>Why</i>
did I have to suffer this way? <i>Why, why, why? What was the point of all this? What had this whole year meant if this was to
be the conclusion??<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Approaching minute 46 of the service, God had had
enough. In my spirit, I heard<i> </i><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">“<b>STOP!</b>”</span><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I stopped.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">For a moment, there was silence. The clock ticked by for a few seconds. My mind was frozen in startled obedience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And then, “You need to <i>trust
Me.</i> <b><i>I will make all things new</i>.</b>”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I wish I could say everything changed right then, but I
honestly didn't believe it. I was so
brokenhearted that the Creator of the Universe spoke promises to me and I
second-guessed Him. “What, Lord? Can you
repeat that?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">He did! <b>“You need to trust Me. I will Make. All. Things. New.”<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And this New Year's morning, after half a year of feeling like a light had gone out in the parlor of my heart, He spoke those same words to me
again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">If I believe what I say I believe, then I have to believe
Him when He speaks - especially when He speaks His Word, and I know His Word to
be the truth for my life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">He will do it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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For Him, nothing is impossible.</div>
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<br /></div>
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He will make everything new.</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">He will make a way where there is no way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">In fact, it is already done.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m still looking up. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And wouldn't you know it? I'm already starting to see the beginnings of His streams in the wasteland.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it." <b>-1 Thessalonians 5:24</b></i></span></div>
Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-56426182112053310452012-12-02T21:33:00.000-05:002012-12-03T19:45:52.584-05:00WHY NOT YET?!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFpAQKGdrmnEG3wwbvcIUxvKFhYsf4Dj683QtPmiw5kUu4Yq572Uz3ennW3qGDmCzXUn3hnconBpQmmhA4KgIkGpaxkYuwF8So5yZJABQ85Fu1NW41Hqto3Phb8t9Amf1Ip0Qc/s1600/Communion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFpAQKGdrmnEG3wwbvcIUxvKFhYsf4Dj683QtPmiw5kUu4Yq572Uz3ennW3qGDmCzXUn3hnconBpQmmhA4KgIkGpaxkYuwF8So5yZJABQ85Fu1NW41Hqto3Phb8t9Amf1Ip0Qc/s200/Communion.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. <b>-Romans 8:25</b></i></div>
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<div>
I do <i>not</i> do well with waiting. Throughout my life, I've been the girl who gets it - or at least <i>thinks</i> she gets it - way before everyone else, and then I'm ready to move forward, like, <i>right now, please</i>. C'mon, let's get this show on the road! What are we waiting for?</div>
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<div>
I was raised in the United Methodist Church from the time I was a tiny, pre-redheaded group of cells in my mother's belly. At the ripe old age of seven, after listening to our pastor talk about the saving love of Jesus Christ every Sunday, I asked Jesus into my heart as the Lord of my life. I remember that Sunday, that I just <i>got it</i>, and that was it. Holy Spirit, come on down! I was His, He was mine, let's do this thing. I've been serving the Lord ever since.</div>
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The next step, as far as I could see, was taking communion. Now, the way my mother was raised, children don't usually take communion until they've been through Confirmation class around age 12. Most parents aren't as strict with adhering to that rule anymore, but wouldn't you know it, <i>my parents were.</i> The first Sunday of every month, I watched kids younger than I was, or kids that I <i>knew</i> hadn't asked Jesus into their hearts, go up and take communion with their parents. It was totally not fair and I wanted to do it, too! </div>
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<div>
My parents were unmoved.</div>
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In my own characteristically dramatic fashion, I pathetically begged them every month to let me take communion with them. It went something like this:</div>
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<b>Me:</b> But Moooom! Daaaad! I asked Jesus in my heart! I get it! His body, His blood, I understand! Why can't I take communion with you?</div>
<div>
<b>Mom & Dad: </b> You can take it after you've been through Confirmation class.</div>
<div>
<b>Me:</b> But that's SO LONG FROM NOW!</div>
<div>
<b>Mom & Dad: </b> You'll survive.</div>
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<b>Me: </b> But all those other kids are allowed to take it!</div>
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<b>Mom & Dad: </b> We can't control what their parents let them do, but you're not taking it until after Confirmation.</div>
<div>
<b>Me:</b> But that's FIVE YEARS AWAY! </div>
<div>
<b>Mom & Dad: </b>We said no! You might as well stop asking.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Every month, I swear, it was the same thing. There may also have been some flinging of myself on the floor, weeping, wailing, whining, and pounding my fists on the ground. But still, every month when everyone else went up to the altar and took communion, my parents got up and left me in the pew by myself with my arms crossed, glaring at the backs of the heads of my classmates who got to be up there when I didn't.</div>
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<div>
And then, one Sunday, it happened.</div>
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<div>
I was nine years old by this time, and had been throwing my Communion Plea Extravaganza for well nigh on two years. My sister was a toddler. I found myself alone in the pew one Sunday morning, the first Sunday of the month - communion Sunday. My father was either serving as an usher or watching my sister, and my mother was in the choir loft. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Up to this point, I had almost resigned myself to waiting until Confirmation, but I was <i>not</i> okay with it. Three years might as well have been a lifetime. I felt like it was never going to happen, and I had been a Real Christian for <i>two whole years now</i>, people.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It took me a few minutes to realize it, but suddenly it dawned on me: <i>I was alone</i>. I could go up for communion - there was no one to stop me! What was my mother going to do, barrel down out of the choir loft and yank me away from the altar? She'd never do that in the middle of the service.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
My excitement grew as the service went on. <i>I was going to do it! I was going to take communion!</i> I listened as the pastor explained the meaning of communion, the bread and the cup, the body and the blood and the sacrifice, and I nodded along emphatically. I totally understood. We went through the responsive readings and the hymns. And then, when everyone else stood up and began to file up to the altar to kneel and take the sacrament, I did, too.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
As I knelt down on the velvet pillow in front of the altar and bowed my head, I could feel my mother's saucer-like eyes burning into me. My hair probably got redder from the effect. Just like I knew she would, though, she stayed in the choir loft.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
I prayed. I ate. I drank. I took communion Honestly, I'm pretty sure I asked God for forgiveness for disobeying my parents in taking it...that day, and every day thereafter for quite some time. I don't remember if I was punished (who punishes their kid for wanting to get closer to the Lord?), but I didn't really need to be. I had already experienced conviction from God Himself. Little did I know, that was just the beginning.</div>
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<div>
My first communion is a funny story I tell now, and my friends think it's hilarious because they know how I am. The way I tell it, I've had people crying with laughter a few times, which makes me pretty happy. In the last little while, though, I started thinking about it again...and I wonder what would've happened if I'd waited for Confirmation like my parents had wanted me to? Would I have been even better prepared? Would I have understood more? Would it have been more meaningful? God certainly used it to bring me closer to Himself, but I would've escaped quite a bit of conviction if I'd done it differently.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
There's a boy in my Sunday School and <a href="http://awana.org/on/demandware.store/Sites-Awana-Site/default/Default-Start"><span style="color: blue;">Awana</span></a> classes now that reminds me so much of myself at his age. (That's right, parents, rebellious communion hooligans like me grow up to be Sunday School teachers to your impressionable children. Don't say I didn't warn you!) His older sister just got baptised by immersion in our Baptist church at age 12 last week. He's nine, and he's been ready for several years to be baptised himself. Part of me is so proud of him and wants to see him baptised really soon, but part of me remembers this story and thinks that maybe he'll be even more ready in a couple years' time.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Faith is such a personal journey, and all throughout my life I've felt more than ready for the big steps well before God called me to take them - pretty much every single one, in fact. But then, there have been many times when I've looked back and thanked God for making me wait, because it made me so much <i>more</i> prepared, appreciative, and ready to use the blessings He gives me to glorify Him than I would've been if He'd given them to me right when I wanted them.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>"Just trust Me," </i>He whispers to me daily. <i> "Soon. I promise."</i></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-39262957406051297682012-11-23T12:56:00.000-05:002012-11-23T12:56:04.173-05:00My 29th Year<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #222222;">Well, this is it, folks. Today’s the day. I have officially now become a </span><span style="color: #222222;">red-headed</span><span style="color: #222222;">, Christian Bridget Jones, a single </span><i style="color: #222222;">thirty</i><span style="color: #222222;">something woman, and I'm expecting the proverbial scales to appear on </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222;">my</span><span style="color: #222222;"> body any minute now.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I had all sorts of ideas on what to write about today, but ultimately, all </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> thoughts came back to one thing: this past </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">year</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. So, instead of waxing philosophical about turning 30, I thought I’d take a minute and look back on </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">year</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> 29, because it was, indeed, one for the books.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">year</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">, God brought me closer to Himself than I've ever been.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">year</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, God shoved me out of </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> comfort zone with regards to faith, theology, and knowledge of Himself. He challenged me in </span><a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2012/03/tough-get-loving.html" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: blue;">the ways I thought about Him, His love, His grace, and His will</span></a><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">. He pointed me towards a new church and watched me sit in the parking lot after getting there early (I'm never early!), praying nervously before the service started. He pried open </span></span></span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> mind with a holy crowbar and dumped in ideas I’d never dreamed of in all </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> previous </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">years</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> serving Him.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">year</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, God forced me to face some of </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> deepest-seeded fears</span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. </i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The fear that </span><i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm not good enough</span></i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. The fear of trusting someone else with </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> heart. The fear of sharing the most hidden parts of myself. The fear of all </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> flaws, </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> shortcomings, and </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> secrets being laid bare. The fear of saying, </span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“This is me, faults and all” </i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">to someone who really mattered. He even held me in </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #222222;"> seat when, sitting in a huge auditorium in downtown Raleigh, I was so completely terrified that </span><a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2011/12/flight-risk.html"><span style="color: blue;">all I wanted to do was run to the parking lot and drive away</span></a><span style="color: #0b5394;">.</span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (I'm so glad I didn't.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">year</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #222222;">, God trusted me with the beginnings of a significant, powerful, multi-denominational ministry. He called me to </span><a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2011/11/when-dealings-done.html"><span style="color: blue;">step up in ways He never has before</span></a><span style="color: #222222;">. He pushed </span></span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> introverted self into new situations, new challenges, and new moments where I had to step forward, shake a hand, introduce myself, and talk about </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> faith. He put everything on the line and asked, <i>“Will you?”</i> – and, of course, I knew I had to say yes. He gave me brand new responsibilities and accountabilities, put children with wide eyes in front of me to teach, and branched out </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> own personal ministry further than it’s ever reached.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">year</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, God showed me just a little bit of the future – of things He had promised me and spoken to me </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">years</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #222222;"> ago </span><a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2009/03/infamous-ipod-story.html"><span style="color: blue;">during </span></a></span><span class="il" style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2009/03/infamous-ipod-story.html">my</a></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2009/03/infamous-ipod-story.html"><span style="color: blue;"> time in the desert with Him in England</span></a><span style="color: #222222;">. When I first meet someone new, </span></span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> question to them is “If you could be doing anything, what would it be?” If I had to answer that myself, I’d say </span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I’d be doing what I was doing this past <span class="il">year</span></i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">: working in ministry, growing in closeness with God, entertaining, learning, teaching, sharing, and bringing people together, all in a mutually supportive, respectful, loving, laughter-filled, faith-challenging partnership.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">year</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, God blessed me with the knowledge of </span><a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2012/05/living-gratefully.html" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: blue;">what it is to really be in love</span></a><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">. To love someone so deeply that I’d drive until I run out of gas because he’s asleep in the seat beside me. To love someone so completely that it feels like a light has gone out in the room when he’s not here. To love someone so spiritually that our personalities, ideas, world-views and personal ministries lined up with each other’s like puzzle pieces I didn't even know I was missing until God snapped them together. To know what it feels like to have found the person who brings me closest to God, and about whom I can confidently say that we can do more together than we can do apart.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And then this </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">year</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #222222;">, God spoke to me and molded me through </span><a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2012/08/hearing-music.html"><span style="color: blue;">overwhelming, heart wrenching, soul-confounding grief</span></a><span style="color: #222222;">. He watched me weep – angrily, bitterly, and then just sadly. He let me vent; He listened silently as I questioned Him and yelled at Him. His heart broke as mine did. He waited months for me to lean in and actually try to hear Him, and when I finally did, He told me </span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">it’s not about me</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. He answered </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> cry of “What do I do now?!” with four simple words that shouldn't have surprised me:</span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“Let Me use you.”</i></div>
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<i style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I will do it, <span class="il">my</span> dear child. I will keep <span class="il">My</span> promises. But right now, it’s not about you. You want to know what you should do? Pray. Get closer to Me. Get stronger in your knowledge of the Word, your fruits of the Spirit, your understanding of <span class="il">My</span> love and grace and forgiveness. Let Me prepare you. Let Me strengthen you. And then, let Me use you.</span></i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So that is what I intend to do – continue, always, to </span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">let Him use me.</i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">That was </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> 29</span><sup style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">th</sup><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">year</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. Let’s see what </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Lord does with </span><span class="il" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> 30</span><sup style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">th</sup><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">.</span></div>
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Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-75716275593080171732012-11-02T22:18:00.001-04:002012-11-02T22:19:45.262-04:00As Political As Ever I'll Get<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span class="text 1Pet-2-13" id="en-NIV-30413" style="background-color: white;">Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human authority:<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30413A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup> whether to the emperor, as the supreme authority,</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text 1Pet-2-14" id="en-NIV-30414" style="background-color: white;">or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30414B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup> and to commend those who do right.<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30414C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text 1Pet-2-15" id="en-NIV-30415" style="background-color: white;">For it is God’s will<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30415D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup> that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people.<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30415E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></sup></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text 1Pet-2-16" id="en-NIV-30416" style="background-color: white;">Live as free people,<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30416F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)"></sup> but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil;<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30416G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)"></sup> live as God’s slaves.<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30416H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)"></sup></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span style="background-color: white;"><b> </b></span><span class="text 1Pet-2-17" id="en-NIV-30417" style="background-color: white;">Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers,<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30417I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)"></sup> fear God, honor the emperor. <b>-1 Peter 2:13-17</b></span></i></span></div>
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A couple of years ago, I was in the habit of taking my writing notebook into Applebees in the evenings after choir or play practice at church and sit and penning a few paragraphs there while feasting on their half-price appetizers after 9pm. One nondescript Thursday night, after spending my evening at church directing our latest skit, I was doing just that. Usually the servers could tell that I wanted to be alone and would generally leave me as such; but tonight, I had been seated in the section of a young male waiter who was obviously not getting the hint.</div>
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After several minutes of him trying to engage me in conversation, to which I responded politely but succinctly, as I really had some Very Important Writing to get done, I happened to mention that I had just left church. His interest was immediately piqued. Standing by my table and totally abandoning his side-work all he wanted to do was talk to me about faith. He told me that he had been raised in a household where his father was Catholic and his mother was Pentecostal (or perhaps the reverse, I forget which), and they hadn't done a great job of making things clear for him. He was understandably confused and seeking answers. (I've since gained some rather strong opinions that children can most certainly be raised well in faith even if their parents are of two different denominations, given the right amount of openness, maturity, and mutual respect, but that's another thought for another time.)</div>
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When we started talking, I'm ashamed to admit, I secretly wanted him to just leave me alone. I wanted to write! I had things to do and I didn't have all night - I didn't want to bothered with talking to someone I didn't know. It literally took God speaking to me in His still, small, yet very commanding way that <i>this was more important than my writing and I needed to give him my full attention</i> before I really got it. Yes, I know how that sounds. I'm not proud of it.</div>
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As soon as I really started engaging with him about God and faith, he actually slid into the booth opposite me and got very serious. "I have to ask you a really important question," he said gravely.</div>
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Oh no. I prepared myself for the worst. The question of salvation? Purgatory? The rapture? What was he going to ask me for which I was probably by no means doctrinally or knowledgeably prepared?</div>
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He looked me right in the eyes and stared me down as he asked, "What do you think about abortion?"</div>
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I was honestly shocked. I was taken aback, really. Why did a 25 year old guy care about abortion? It wasn't like he was ever going to have one. <i>I</i> barely thought about it, and I'm a woman! For a minute or two I was silent, trying to make sure I even knew what I was going to say, and then make sure it came out right. Eventually, I said something like this (though perhaps I've added a touch of elegance in the retelling):</div>
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<i>That's a very tough question. It's a very hard thing. For me, I can say that I would never have an abortion. I could never do it, ever. If I had a friend who was considering abortion, I would be so heartbroken for her. I can't even imagine. I would pray with her, I would cry with her, and I would read the Bible with her. Ultimately, I would counsel her to not have the abortion and instead give the baby up for adoption if she didn't want to keep it. But I hope I never have to be in that situation. Also, I would never judge someone else if she told me she'd had one, and I would do my best to show God's love to her as I do with everyone. I would just be so sorry she had to go through that.</i></div>
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He seemed satisfied. I think he told me it was the most real answer he'd ever heard. Praise God.</div>
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If you de-construct all that, what I said is that I'm anti-abortion, but pro-choice.</div>
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I believe the Bible. I believe what God says, and I try the best that I can to live my life accordingly. I believe unswervingly that accepting Christ as our Savior is the correct choice for every person's life and the way to Heaven, and ultimately that a relationship with God is what everyone in our country should seek with all their hearts.</div>
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But here's the thing: not everyone believes what I do.</div>
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God gives us a choice. In fact, He gives us the ultimate choice: whether or not to follow Him. To love Him. To serve Him. To accept Jesus Christ as our Savior. He doesn't force us - He gave us free will. </div>
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If God Himself gives us free will, it's not up to the government to force us to believe, or to institute governmental rights based on beliefs that not everyone in the United States holds.</div>
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I believe that when the decision in question comes down to something that separates us from God<i>, </i>then that decision should be <i>between that person and God</i>. Not between that person and the government.</div>
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What political party do I affiliate myself with, you may ask? Well, unfortunately, both sides are made up of people, and people are imperfect, so as a result, I really don't affiliate myself with one or the other with abject loyalty. I vote for the candidate and the party whom I feel will be the most fair. You're free to take that as you will. Ultimately, though, politics don't really matter, because God's law is supreme. Democrat, Republican, or otherwise, they've got nothing on the Creator of the Universe.</div>
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This election is important. But what's most important is who you elect to be the Lord of your life. That choice goes way beyond the next four years: it affects eternity.</div>
Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-89041435042374726582012-08-05T15:00:00.000-04:002012-09-03T13:05:54.372-04:00Hearing the Music<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have very limited experience with death. I've only really lost grandparents and an aunt, all of whom were quite sick for a long time and for whom it was almost a relief to see their suffering end. All of those losses were sad, yes, but not at all sudden. My family was pretty much prepared for all of them.</div>
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I wrote <span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2012/05/living-gratefully.html"><span style="color: blue;">back in May</span></a> </span>that the future was up in the air for my relationship with the amazing young man God brought into my life last year. At that time, well, I had no idea just how much things would change.</div>
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In the past week and a half, though, <i>everything</i> has changed.</div>
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First, he was offered a permanent job, which he'd been searching for for months, three hours away in the small town where his parents live. His father was not well, suffering from an issue that came on very suddenly barely a month ago, so he accepted it to move back home and help his family. The very next day - the night after his first day at work - <a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2012/07/it-is-well.html"><span style="color: blue;">his father passed away</span></a>.</div>
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I have never experienced grief like this, and it wasn't even my own father. Watching my friend, my spiritual partner, the man who, even now, holds so much of my heart, go through this terrible time has been more overwhelming than I could have ever imagined.</div>
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Two days ago, I travelled three hours west to that same small town for his father's memorial service. Out of deference to my "inconvenience," he said I didn't have to come. He seemed surprised that I would come, actually. But how could I not? This is his <i>father</i>. He is...well, everything he is and will always be to me.</div>
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Even so, it was one of the scariest and hardest things I've ever had to do.</div>
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I realized in the days leading up to this past Friday that he and I had spent our time together in a bit of a bubble for almost a year. He had met my family when they visited for Easter and spent four lovely days with them, but I had met none of his yet. There just hadn't been opportunity. I sent a card to his mother almost immediately after he called me on his lunch break at his second day of work and told me through halting words that his father had passed. But I didn't <i>know</i> her. I didn't know his sisters or his nieces and I was going to roll up in there, a relative stranger, telling them how sorry I was and oh, by the way, here I am, nice to meet you.</div>
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Plus, as I said, I have very little experience with death. I had no idea what really to say, or do, or how to act, or what I should expect from my friend when I saw him. I wanted to be the best support I could be, but I didn't know how. Honestly, I still don't. In one week, everything for us had changed and now he was going through more grief than I could even comprehend. I wanted to do anything and everything I could, but I didn't know what that was.</div>
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I knew, though, that I was going to this memorial service to support him.</div>
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I have never been more nervous in my life.
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Last week, in the days leading up to Friday, I laid it all out to God. I cried every single day. I asked God to give me strength, courage, and peace. More than anything, I asked God to shine out through me. <i>Let my presence be a source of comfort and calm because of You, Lord,</i> I begged. <i>More of You and less of me - <b>all</b> of You and <b>none</b> of me, more like.</i></div>
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Also, I asked God for a sign. Something from Him to know I was doing the right thing. I didn't know what I was asking for, really, but I just needed to hear from God somehow. I read the story of Gideon and the fleece directly from the Bible for the first time. I didn't really have a fleece, per se, but I wanted a sign that was unmistakable. I <i>needed</i> one.</div>
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The memorial service was lovely. Beautiful, touching, and I saw my precious friend's work all through it. He had obviously orchestrated everything. I watched this young man who is so dear to me be a steady, solid support for his grieving mother, taking care of every detail and stepping up now as the authority in his family. I listened to people I didn't know praise his father's familial leadership, which, from knowing him, I already knew was based in faith, character, and God's love.</div>
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After the service, he hugged me several times and thanked me for coming before going home to be with his family who were spending the night. </div>
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I went back to my hotel room, feeling even more overwhelmed. I felt clumsy and inelegant, like I'd said all the wrong things after the service and wishing I could do it over. I didn't know what I wish I would have said, but I wished it was <i>something else.</i> All I could do was hope and pray that God had spoken through my clunky words and rather awkward presence.</div>
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I settled into the king bed in the hotel room, feeling very small and sad and alone. I watched tv, talked to my little sister on the phone, prayed. I was emotionally and mentally exhausted. I tried to sleep, but couldn't. Finally, I emailed my friend words that were just sort of falling out of me about the service, our relationship, and the future, and eventually fell into a heavy, uncomfortable slumber. I hadn't heard from God in the way that I'd asked.</div>
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A few hours later, I was very gently woken up in the darkest part of the night. At first, I couldn't figure out why I was awake when I was so unbelievably tired. My head was fuzzy and everything was black and strange.</div>
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But then, ever so faintly, I heard it.</div>
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Coming from outside, somewhere I couldn't pinpoint, was the sound of a single violin playing.</div>
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The fuzziness in my head started to clear a little as I began to realize what I was hearing. A violin.</div>
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Both my friend and I play the violin - it's one of the many things we have in common. I've watched him play a few times now, and it's been something I absolutely treasure. For nearly a year, every time I hear a violin, I think of him immediately.</div>
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The violin kept playing. It was faint, but it was definitely there.</div>
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I don't know what I was expecting, but I got out of bed, slid into my slippers, and went to the window of the room and looked out.</div>
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No one was there, of course. The violin kept playing. It was somewhere around 4am.</div>
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I got back in bed and laid there, listening to the violin and slowly realizing that it was God giving me the sign I had asked for. In the dark stillness of the night, when I felt so alone and sad, here it was. It didn't come when I expected, it wasn't big or loud or obvious to anyone else, but it was there. The violin. The confirmation from God that He was still there and I was in the right place. The reminder of my precious friend, of how much I care for him, of all that we shared and that God had brought us together.</div>
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For the first time in more than a month, a peace washed over me like I had forgotten existed.</div>
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The violin only played for about five more minutes, and then it softly faded away. I drifted back to sleep.</div>
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The grief isn't over. The changes are still and will continue to be hard. But God is here, and He is in all of it. And someday, ever so softly at first, we'll hear the music playing again.</div>
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<i>Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. <b>-Psalm 30:5</b></i></div>
<br />Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-24935297542783457322012-08-04T13:19:00.000-04:002012-08-04T13:19:08.321-04:00One Safe Place<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find? <b>-Proverbs 20:6</b></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">On the back of our bulletins every Sunday is a little blurb - a testimony - usually about the Bible verse we're reading in church that week. A couple of weeks ago, it was about this idea of </span><i style="text-align: left;">steadfast love</i><span style="text-align: left;">. The writer described his grandmother's love as "persistent and no-nonsense love," stating that she wasn't sentimental or sweet or over-the-top; instead, the love she gave was, simply, </span><i style="text-align: left;">present</i><span style="text-align: left;">. Constant. Unfailing.</span></div>
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That's how God loves us. His love for us is <i>persistent and no-nonsense</i>. It doesn't matter what we do. We can push Him away, hate Him, curse Him, deny Him, loathe Him. We can forget about Him for months on end. We can exclude Him from our lives. We can not answer Him and not seek Him and not care about Him at all.</div>
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But He will never stop loving us, never stop pursuing us, never stop patiently waiting for us to turn around and realize He's been right there with us all along.</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">As I read that testimony in church, I thought, <i>I want to be like that.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I want to love people the way God loves me. Isn't that the point? Love people with a no-nonsense, persistent, unfailing love. A love that is secure and in which they can be confident. In which they can rest. I want the people I love to know that I am there. I love them, I always will, and that's it. End of discussion.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It doesn't matter what they do. They can push me away, ignore me, forget about me, exclude me. I don't care. Once I'm in your life, I'm in it, you're stuck with me, and there ain't nothin' you can do about it. Sorry 'bout your luck.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I want to be that soft place to fall for the people I love. I want them to know that no matter what they do, they can always come back and receive grace from me. I want to be their resting place in their time of need, their encourager in their sorrows, their strength in their struggles, their lifeline in the darkest night. When I go to be with the Lord, I want the people I leave behind to say <i>"She was the most gracious and giving person I knew. She was where I would turn for love and to feel close to God. The light of the Holy Spirit just shone out through her."</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="line-height: 23px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Marc Cohn sings a song called "One Safe Place" which I think describes perfectly the kind of love I'm talking about. Here are the lyrics:</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="line-height: 23px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">How many roads you’ve </span><span style="line-height: 18px;">travelled</span><br style="line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">How many dreams you’ve chased</span><br style="line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">Across sand and sky and gravel</span><br style="line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">Looking for one safe place?</span><br style="line-height: 18px;" /><br style="line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">Will you make a smoother landing</span><br style="line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">When you break your fall from grace?</span><br style="line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">Into the arms of understanding</span><br style="line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">Looking for one safe place.</span><br style="line-height: 18px;" /><br style="line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">Oh, life is trial by fire</span><br style="line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">And love’s the sweetest taste</span><br style="line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">And I pray</span><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"> it lifts us higher</span><br style="line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">To one safe place.</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="line-height: 23px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="line-height: 23px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I get my love from my Lord. His love is unfailing, so mine can be, too. That is going to be my starting place from now on.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="line-height: 23px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 23px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you. <b>-Isaiah 54:10</b></i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="line-height: 23px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px;"><br /></span>Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-16230609563117854352012-07-30T22:12:00.000-04:002012-07-30T22:12:00.066-04:00The Stretch<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaWBRhXZmu8gJCpKL2U6bIFVcQTN4mmydxRSfDg-N7Rj6bCmH7vypdFfjRv09YYbDVtZJB3ZXXhS7lzcf9L9ZAvqacwjbB_wJxDZpZwt-6_40oXDG8o9v39_GXwWR1J51ok7uZ/s1600/2012-07-30_20.11.41.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaWBRhXZmu8gJCpKL2U6bIFVcQTN4mmydxRSfDg-N7Rj6bCmH7vypdFfjRv09YYbDVtZJB3ZXXhS7lzcf9L9ZAvqacwjbB_wJxDZpZwt-6_40oXDG8o9v39_GXwWR1J51ok7uZ/s320/2012-07-30_20.11.41.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Cast your cares on the Lord</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>and he will sustain you;</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>He will never let</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>the righteous be shaken. <b>-Psalm 55:22</b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b><br /></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
My apartment is right next to a lake with a walking trail circling its two-mile circumference. Nearly every day, I take my toy poodle and we traipse around it. We're very blessed to live here.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Even though she's a little tyke at barely five pounds with tiny legs, my Lottie usually makes it most of the way around on her own. However, there's one part - one stretch overlooking the lake right by the parking lot - where she absolutely refuses to walk. Every single time, right before we approach the hill to get to the stretch, she stops and sits down. It never fails. She will not walk across that stretch for anything.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Now, when that happens, I have three choices: I can leave her there (um, not going to happen); I can drag her (that would be dog abuse); or, I can pick her up and carry her across. I know from experience that she'll walk once we get to the other side.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Tonight, as I carried her across the stretch, it made me think about how so very often we're like this with God.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
So many seasons in our lives are like these long, scary stretches. It's really just a part of the trail, but we don't want to walk across them. We want to sit down, plant our butts on the ground, and be stubborn.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And then God has three choices: He can leave us there (um, not going to happen); He can drag us (but He won't); or, He can pick us up and carry us across.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I'm Lottie's owner. I'm her protector, her guardian, her mama. I'm not going to abandon her or abuse her. I'm going to carry her.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
How much more does God do that for us?</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I've been told I should be more firm with Lottie, that I should make her walk, that she's not the boss, but I am. Maybe that's true. Maybe I need to be more stern and forcible with her. But in that moment, every time, when I'm given the choice to leave her, drag her, or carry her - I know which one I'm going to choose.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Sometimes we reach those long, scary stretches and we need God to carry us. Praise Him that He doesn't even think twice about it. Suddenly, just like that - we're in His loving, protective, comforting arms.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i>"It's okay, my dear child - I'll get you there," our Daddy assures us.</i></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i></i></span><br />Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-75542777678325517502012-07-28T00:06:00.001-04:002012-07-28T00:06:50.568-04:00It Is Well<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text 1Cor-15-53" id="en-NIV-28772">For the perishable <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28772CM" title="See cross-reference CM">CM</a>)"></sup>must clothe itself with the imperishable, <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28772CN" title="See cross-reference CN">CN</a>)"></sup>and the mortal with immortality.</span> <span class="text 1Cor-15-54" id="en-NIV-28773">When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”</span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text 1Cor-15-55" style="position: relative;"><br /></span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text 1Cor-15-55" id="en-NIV-28774" style="position: relative;">“Where, O death, is your victory?</span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text 1Cor-15-55" style="position: relative;">Where, O death, is your sting?”</span></span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text 1Cor-15-56" style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text 1Cor-15-56" id="en-NIV-28775" style="background-color: white;">The sting of death is sin, <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28775CQ" title="See cross-reference CQ">CQ</a>)"></sup>and the power of sin is the law. </span><span class="text 1Cor-15-57" id="en-NIV-28776" style="background-color: white;">But thanks be to God! <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28776CS" title="See cross-reference CS">CS</a>)"></sup>He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.</span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text 1Cor-15-57" style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text 1Cor-15-58" id="en-NIV-28777"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28777CU" title="See cross-reference CU">CU</a>)"></sup>because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. <b>-1 Corinthians 15:53-58</b></span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text 1Cor-15-58"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Last night, someone whom I dearly love very suddenly lost someone whom he dearly loved.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
It is in times like these when I wish I had more answers.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I would do anything I had to do if I could take away his grief. Really, anything. But I can't. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I've never felt so helpless. All I can really say is <i>I'm so sorry. </i>I can't do anything else.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i>But God.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span class="text 1Cor-15-58"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
God is still God. He is still all loving, all knowing, the Comforter, the Healer, the Beginning and the End. He is the I AM. He is the Creator, the Author and Finisher of our faith. </div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
God is <i>Daddy.</i> He wants us to climb up into His lap and let Him put His loving arms around us and wipe the tears from our eyes and whisper, <i>"It's going to be okay. I love you. You are my precious child."</i></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
I don't have the answers. <span style="background-color: white;">I don't know why we get sick. I don't know why everything suddenly changes. I don't know why bad </span><span style="background-color: white;">things happen and diagnoses are given and then nothing seems to make sense.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
But what I do know is this: God is love. Three simple words - <i>God is love.</i> That's it.</div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
And what is love?</div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span class="text 1Cor-13-4" id="en-NIV-28670">Love is patient, <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28670I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)"></sup>love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. </span><span class="text 1Cor-13-5" id="en-NIV-28671">It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28671K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)"></sup>it is not easily angered, <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28671L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)"></sup>it keeps no record of wrongs. </span><span class="text 1Cor-13-6" id="en-NIV-28672"><sup class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;"> </sup>Love does not delight in evil <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28672N" title="See cross-reference N">N</a>)"></sup>but rejoices with the truth. </span><span class="text 1Cor-13-7" id="en-NIV-28673">It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.</span><sup class="versenum" style="background-color: white; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;"> </sup><span style="background-color: white;">Love never fails.<b> -1 Corinthians 13:4-8</b></span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;">God is not judge, jury, and executioner. He does not sit on His throne ruling that we're sick based on our </span><span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;">sins or shortcomings or lack of faith. God hates illness, disease, and suffering just as much as we do. He wants </span><span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;">us to live in the full abundance of His love, His blessings, His forgiveness, and His grace. The Lord's prayer </span><span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;">says "on Earth as it is in Heaven." Is there any sickness in Heaven? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;">No.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;">So until we get there, we just have to keep looking to God for grace in our time of need.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Sickness is not a divine punishment, and death is not the end.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;">It is well.</span></div>
<br />Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-69564375804018714272012-07-22T00:44:00.000-04:002012-07-22T00:57:48.820-04:00Show Up or Shut Up<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. <b>-James 2:17</b></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It was a Saturday in early December of
last year, and I had a choice to make.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I could get dressed up, do the
ridiculous wiggling-into-pantyhose-dance, slip into a sweater-dress,
brush my teeth, do my makeup, curl my hair, get in my car, and drive
well nigh on 45 minutes, in the rain, no less, to a place I'd never
been before to support someone I cared about but who I wasn't sure
cared about me. Or I could stay home with my dog, who I know cares
about me, and watch TV in my pajamas.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Guess which one I wanted to do?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I thought about it all day. I was
decided, I was undecided. I told the person I was coming, and then I
wasn't, and then that I might. I left it up in the air, because I
didn't know just how much, when it came right down to it, I'd be
willing to give.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The time drew near for me to get ready.
So I got ready, just in case I decided to go.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I walked my dog, just in case.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I put on my dress and my pantyhose and
my makeup, just in case.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I looked up directions, just in case.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But then, minutes from when I needed to
leave, I sat forlornly on the couch thinking, “I really don't want
to go. What's in it for me? Will this person even care? Probably
not.”</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As if on cue (because, of course, it
was His cue), God answered simply, <i>“Show up or shut up.”</i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As usual, I'm ashamed to say, it took
conviction from God to make me get it.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So many times, we want our lives to
move forward but we're not willing to show up to make that happen.
We want it to just happen on its own, even if we're not conscious of
it. I told God I was willing to do whatever it took, but when it
came right down to it, He had to speak to me to get me off the couch!
I'm learning that life (and by life, I mean God) doesn't work by
wishing. He wants to know that we're going to take that step. He
wants to know we're committed. He's not going to hand us something
when He doesn't know what we're going to do with it.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He wants me to stop saying “This
should be!” and start saying “What can I do to make this happen?”</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Stop saying, “This should change!”
and start saying “I'm going to work to change this.”</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Stop saying, “That's a great idea!”
and start saying, “Here's the next step to that idea.”</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Because if I'm not willing...how can I expect
anyone else to be willing? How can I expect others to be giving when I'm
stingy? Gracious when I'm angry? Forgiving when I'm hard-hearted?
Committed when I'm waffly? Sacrificial when I'm selfish?
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">How can I expect more from others than
what I'm willing to give myself?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">More than that - how can I ask God to take His 99 steps if I'm not willing to take my one?</span></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I stood up, strapped on my heels,
picked up my purse, kissed my poodle goodbye, and left. I drove
white-knuckled through the rain. I showed up that night, only
slightly worse for wear, and I'll never forget how surprised the
person I was there to support was a result.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">If you ask me right now, I'm not sure
how much of a difference it made. I'd like to think my going was
significant, that my presence showed the person support and
encouragement and respect and that I can be counted on. But I don't
know if any of that is true. I'm not sure how much it mattered, and
maybe I'll never know.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But what I do know is that I showed up.
I did what I knew I had to do, if I'm being honest, to live with
myself. I did everything I could do – what I knew God wanted me to
do. Because, as I replied back to God that night, <i>well, Heaven
knows I'm not going to shut up.</i></span></div>Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-74496068182472457282012-07-20T15:06:00.000-04:002012-07-20T15:10:21.444-04:00The List<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><i>Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. <b>-Hebrews 4:16</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">You might not know this about me, but I am a list-maker. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">I wasn't always one, but as I've gotten older, I've found list-making to be the best way to keep track of important things like time and money. I used to go to the grocery store without a list, buy random things, and then get home without a full set of ingredients for anything. Before I had a full time job, I would meander through my days without structure and end up settling down at 9pm to get done what I should have been doing all day long.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Now, though, I make lists for practically everything. Lists of things to buy at the store, things that need to be done, people I need to reach out to - the list, ironically, goes on and on. I plan my days off by listing what needs to be cleaned and errands that need to be run. I manage my life by keeping a constant list in my head.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">The past few weeks have been challenging ones for me. Without going into detail, since the detail isn't really important, let's just say that my world has flipped on its axis a bit and everything is heightened, confusing, and unknown. In the natural, at least, that's the way it appears.</span></div>
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God has been speaking to me a <i>lot, </i>though, especially in the past week or so. Even when I don't even realize I'm praying, I'm praying. He's spoken through everything possible - people, places, events, circumstances, road signs, and by literally stopping me mid-kerfluffled-mind-rant during church. He's spoken audibly. He's lobbed cosmic cream pies at my face one right after the other. And everything that He has been speaking to me has seemed just totally impossible. My general response to what He's been saying has been, "Uh huh - I'll believe it when I see it."</div>
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<a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2009/03/infamous-ipod-story.html"><span style="color: blue;">Hypocrite</span></a> much? Anyway...</div>
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This past week, I've heard from two very different yet very strong, spiritual ladies about <i>lists. </i><span style="background-color: white;">Twice, now, I listened to a woman I admired and trusted in faith tell me that during a similar time in her life, she put pen to paper and made a list of what she was believing for from God. Both women said it felt a little silly, a little frivolous, but that they were believing for what God spoke to them and for the longings and desires He had put in their hearts. And that, miraculously, every single thing on those lists came true.</span></div>
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After last night, when the second woman told me her story about her list, I couldn't get this idea off my mind. I'm a list-maker. I make lists for literally everything else. <span style="background-color: white;">And so, this afternoon, I picked up my little notebook that I carry around everywhere, turned on a song that I've been listening to on repeat for six weeks now, clicked my purple pen and began to write.</span></div>
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First, I wrote at the top everything God had spoken to me. And then under it, I made a list of what I wanted, what the deepest desires of my heart are, based on what He said.</div>
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<span style="line-height: 21px;">Now, I'm a miracle-believing Christian. Mark 10:27 is my life verse. I have seen and witnessed miracles of every kind and I will be the first to tell you to </span><i style="line-height: 21px;">believe</i><span style="line-height: 21px;"> for what God has spoken to you. </span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 21px;">But writing these things down felt like the craziest, silliest, most </span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 21px;">frivolous</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 21px;">, and most pie-in-the-sky fairy-dust thing I have ever done in my life. (And oh, I've done some crazy stuff - just ask my mother!)</span></div>
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I'm ashamed to say it, but it just seems so ridiculous. Writing all these things down feels like I'm a five year old making a list of what she'll do when she grows up to be a princess who lives on a cloud at the end of a rainbow with pixies.</div>
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And yet, here it is.</div>
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Earlier this week, I shared with my pastor some of the things God had spoken to me and that I was hesitant to believe it. He looked at me and said, "Don't you believe God can do that?"</div>
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Well. Um. I didn't really have an answer.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><i>Jesus looked at them and said, </i></span><span class="woj" style="line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><i>“With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” <b>-Mark 10:2</b></i><b>7</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span class="woj" style="line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto;">It's right there. I guess I don't really have a choice. Which, to be honest, is actually kind of great.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span class="woj" style="line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto;">I made my list. Now it's up to God to begin checking things off.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-15366927258399787632012-07-16T22:28:00.000-04:002012-07-30T22:20:53.240-04:00Just Decide To<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXmUtIZkMPrMNJOSyYcRhUz1SikLdEGyZ_Gn2p9BdDTGZwPLWBTSpZqlyzTZZYFyAcyfJTtMyYT_RbtfuouWt1zEqNrKknSFrVRG-jZ8yFlcZP5Nb8aChANccz8lLVr3VZ7CVh/s1600/But+it+can+be.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXmUtIZkMPrMNJOSyYcRhUz1SikLdEGyZ_Gn2p9BdDTGZwPLWBTSpZqlyzTZZYFyAcyfJTtMyYT_RbtfuouWt1zEqNrKknSFrVRG-jZ8yFlcZP5Nb8aChANccz8lLVr3VZ7CVh/s320/But+it+can+be.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">I've been watching Aaron Sorkin's brilliant new show "<a href="http://www.hbo.com/the-newsroom/index.html">The Newsroom</a>" and loving it. (PS, it's a 2012 version of "<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0165961/">Sports Night,</a>" but I digress.) The show centers around Will McAvoy, news anchor, and MacKenzie McHale, his former love and now his executive producer. Will and MacKenzie <i>have it</i>, that connection, that kismet, that spark. They're partners. They're a team. What they can do together is a hundred thousand times more than what they can do separately, and they both know it. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Will is reluctant, at first, to work with MacKenzie - mainly because he's scared. He wants to be liked by his audience. He's worried about ratings. He doesn't want to change or do things the way he knows MacKenzie expects him to do them. He's analytical and prescriptive and basically he's let fear back him into a corner - the corner of being <i>non-committal. </i>He's brilliant and charismatic and deep - he has what it takes - but for years he's let fear keep him from really doing what he's meant to do.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">MacKenzie is, well, pretty much fearless. She jumps in with both feet and she believes in what she's doing with all she has. She doesn't care about ratings or being unpopular. She wears her heart on her sleeve, often to her own embarrassment. She gives people the benefit of the doubt - her team, the audience, everyone. Most importantly, she gives <i>Will</i> the benefit of the doubt. She sees what he's afraid to see in himself. She believes in him and what he - what they, together - can do. She's fierce, and she won't give up on him.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">They are being called to a higher order in the news show they create. They want to <i>do better</i>. They want to educate, inform, enlighten, and really to <i>do what they do the best they can</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">But they can't do it without each other.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">At the end of the pilot episode, the president of the station shares a bourbon with Will. He talks about a time when they did the news <i>well</i>. How? <i>"We just decided to,"</i> he says.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Will almost doesn't. He plays around. He has silly arbitrations written into MacKenzie's contract to give him a sense of control. In the second episode, he goes behind her back and writes content into the show he knows she wouldn't approve. After that show, MacKenzie confronts him and says one decisive line, <i>"Are you in or are you out?"</i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">I firmly believe God has a purpose, a calling, a specific plan for each of our lives. I'll believe that as long as I live. I've read theories and articles and Biblical interpretations that God doesn't really care what we do as long as we're serving Him, but try as I might, I can't buy it. The God I know, by Heaven, <i>knows</i> what it is He wants me to be doing. He's not shy about telling me, either. He created me, He put in me what's in me, and He's put the people and opportunities in my life for a reason. Sorry, but we're not all just wandering around in each other's paths by accident here, folks.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">And guess what? He's done the same for you. He has a plan for you. He has a purpose for you, things He wants you to do for His kingdom, ways in which He has gifted and equipped and enabled you to do His will. People He's put in your path to work with and beside to make those things happen. Will to your MacKenzie. MacKenzie to your Will.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">He's calling you to something higher than what you've been doing up until now. He's calling you to <i>do better</i>. He's calling you to use what He's given you for ministry. Make no mistake - He definitely is! It might not be easy. Dare I say it, it might even be difficult or seem impossible. It'll take you breaking out of your comfort zone, whatever that means for you. If you're impulsive, it'll take patience. If you're scrupulous and analytical, it'll take faith. It'll take courage to step out, strength to be vulnerable, and - dare I say this, too - <i>commitment </i>to what God is putting in front of you. You can't serve God halfway and expect it to work in any way.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">MacKenzie asked Will, <i>"Are you in or are you out?"</i> and then left him alone to think about it. A few hours later, he called her and simply said, <i>"I'm in."</i></span></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><i>Just decide to</i>. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Because ultimately, as another line from "The Newsroom" says, <i>"It's going to come down, as it always does, to who shows up."</i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><i>Then I heard the Lord asking, "Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?" I said, "Here I am. Send me." <b>-Isaiah 6:8</b></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-18687737864438756172012-07-09T22:30:00.002-04:002012-07-09T23:43:12.639-04:00Under My Umbrella<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." -<b>Jesus, Matthew 21:22</b></i></div>
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I gave the children's sermon in church this week. It was all about faith - the idea that when we pray, we need to actually believe that God not only can but will do what we ask. The illustration I gave to the children was the idea of praying for rain in the middle of a drought, as we are here in North Carolina, but then not carrying an umbrella around in expectation of the rain. If we pray for rain, why aren't we preparing for it?</div>
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I was about halfway through studying the children's sermon on Saturday evening when I realized I was going to be preaching directly to myself.</div>
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<i>How often do I pray for rain and then don't even carry my umbrella?</i></div>
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<i>How often do I pray for a miracle but then I don't live with the expectation that God is going to do it?</i></div>
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I've often heard that old quote, "Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed" - and I hate it! It's totally the opposite of faith. The Bible says that God responds to our faith. In fact, our lack of faith limits the power of God. In the Gospel reading we read this week, Jesus is back in His home town, ready to preach and teach and heal, but no one believed He could perform miracles. So He didn't. <i>"He could not do any miracles there [...] And He was amazed at their lack of faith." <b>-Mark 6:5-6</b></i></div>
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It's when we actually believe that God can and will do it that miracles happen. When Jesus performed miracles and healed people, what did He so often say? <i>"Your faith has made you well."</i> (<i><b>Mark 5:34, Luke 18:42</b></i>). Not "Oh, I felt like healing someone today, and lucky you, you're it!" or "Well, I guess I have nothing better to do, so here's some of God's power - enjoy!" </div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><i>Their faith brought about God's action.</i> Because of their belief, God responded in kind.</span></div>
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This evening, ironically, the sky threatened rain. Even so, determined to get some exercise, I dragged my toy poodle around the two-mile hiking trail circling the lake where we live. I usually have a walking buddy, but tonight I didn't, so God became my walking buddy. While we walked, I prayed. My prayer came on gradually - so gradually that at first I wasn't even conscious of it - but three-quarters of the way around the lake, I was actually praying aloud. (The people who heard me as they ran past either thought I was crazy or had a really small Bluetooth headset!) In that moment, I prayed for a miracle. I didn't beg, I didn't plead, I didn't cajole, I didn't say "if You feel like it, Lord." No, I <i>prayed</i>. I boldly approached the throne of grace, stood on the confidence of the name of Jesus granted to me in the Bible, and asked for a miracle because I believe it is God's will and I know what I am asking for is going to bring God an incredible amount of glory.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Now, I'm going to be living in expectation. I asked for rain, so you'd better believe I'm going to be carrying my umbrella.</span></div>Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-83997970068425642012-07-08T22:32:00.000-04:002012-07-08T22:32:30.934-04:00Not Just A Snuggly GenieI was reading Bianca Olthoff's very inspirational <a href="http://blog.inthenameoflove.org/"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">blog</span></a> the other day when I ran across a pearl of wisdom she had written about dating and marriage - to sum up, it went this way: "The way a person loves God will be how he or she will love you."<br />
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I started really thinking about that...and it's made me sit back and take a long, hard look at my relationship with God.<br />
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I thought about how I interact with God in relation to how I approach my other relationships. Some of the questions that came into my mind were:<br />
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-<i>Do I set aside purposeful, dedicated time to spend with God</i>, investing in being with <i>just Him</i> on a regular (as in, not just when I feel like it) basis?</div>
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-<i>Do I seek out His heart?</i> Do I strive to learn what pleases Him, what He desires from me, and what I can do to serve Him better?</div>
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-Do I listen - <i>really listen</i> - to what He is trying to tell me about what He wants from and for me?</div>
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-Do I tell others with enthusiasm and adoration how much I <i>love </i>Him and how happy I am that He is my God?</div>
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Let's just say I was not comfortable nor happy with how I felt about the answers to these questions.</div>
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Lately, if I'm being honest, I've been treating God as little more than a Snuggie with magical powers. Someone who can simultaneously hold me and stroke my hair while making everything all better. A genie with a big lap and a James Earl Jones voice who has no qualms whatsoever about telling me how much He loves me. Score!</div>
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Which...that's great. God <i>is</i> that. But He is so much more, too.</div>
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God wants more from me than just running to Him with my broken toy in a grubby outstretched hand to be fixed. I'm not a toddler in the faith anymore. He wants a <i>relationship</i> with me - a mutual, give and take, invested, reciprocal, adult relationship. Except - score times infinity! - this is a relationship with the God who created me, loves me unconditionally, sent His Son to die for me, forgives all my sins, and knows every hair on my head and every step I should take to walk out His perfect plan for my life.</div>
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But in this relationship, <i>I'm </i>the one who needs to step up to the plate.</div>
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I need to learn how to listen to Him rather than just telling Him what needs fixing. I need to spend time in worship rather than wailing. I need to put the work that I so wilfully, selflessly, and persistently put into my other relationships into the Most Important One of all.</div>
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Good news is, the thing about me that anyone who knows me will tell you is that I will <i>work</i> at relationships. When I invest in someone, by Heaven, I go all in. I will clamp on with pit-bull faith and there is no shaking me. That's because I learned from The Best. Even with all of my taking Him for granted, my Abba, Daddy, Creator, and Lord is always here to be my Healer, my Guide, my Snuggie, and my Savior. </div>
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And I'm taking myself to task to be better at reciprocating His investment in me from now on.</div>
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<i>"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." <b>-Deuteronomy 6:5</b></i></div>Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-75073026443996206002012-06-11T22:52:00.000-04:002012-06-13T12:02:24.711-04:00Persistence is Totally Not Futile<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up." <b>-Luke 18:1</b></i></div>
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<i>"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."<b> -Galatians 6:9</b></i></div>
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Here's a little background information you need to know for this story: I am a member of a small but mighty Baptist church in Raleigh. We're about 60 or so people strong, our picturesque, historic sanctuary sitting on a corner right off of one of Raleigh's major highways. The church building has been there since the 1800's. We're close-knit, loving, supportive, and though we're not perfect, with God's help, we work together well in ministry and faith to reach out to the community and strengthen each other in the Holy Spirit.</div>
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When God called me to Raleigh in 2007, He made it very clear to my best friends and me that we were to go to this church. Right around that same time, the church got a new pastor who was determined to stick with us for the long haul. Pretty much ever since then, we've all been praying and believing that we'll be able to build a new, multi-purpose building, as the church building we have is lovely but not nearly big enough to contain all the ministries we want to see flourish. We need more space, more room, more amenities, just <i>more, </i>really, in order to fulfill God's will for our church.</div>
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A year and a half ago, made possible by the very generous donation from two of our longtime members, we broke ground with gold-painted shovels at our Homecoming service and believed in Jesus' name we would be watching our new building being built within a year. After many a long, trying rigmarole with the city to get permits and approvals and all such legal things about which I'm vastly ignorant, we finally were able to move forward with the building this spring. It has been a tangible, touchable proof of God fulfilling His promises. The old parsonage was torn down, the ground across the parking lot from the church was leveled, and our new building began to take shape.</div>
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But then, at a business meeting in April, when the ground was leveled and the framework of the building was already starting to be put up, we learned that we were somehow $18,000 short of the mark.</div>
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That might not seem like a lot, but $18,000 to a church of less than 100 active members, many of which are by no means flush with extra finances, was huge.</div>
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It was like watching a train - a purposeful, God-driven, Holy-Spirit-filled train - screech to a halt right in front of us.</div>
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$18,000? It might as well have been a million. </div>
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I felt the defeat in the room as I sat in the sanctuary during the meeting. I felt the disappointment. The confusion. The sadness. <i>How could this happen? This doesn't make sense! What does God want? How is this even possible?</i></div>
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It felt like the rug was pulled out from under us at just the moment we were getting comfortable on it.</div>
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From April until early May, we fidgeted about in an awkward, uncomfortable feeling of confusion and unknowing. The funds weren't there. The silence was deafening. <i>What were we going to do?</i></div>
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For all intents and purposes, that was it. It was impossible. It couldn't be done. We were short. We weren't enough. We couldn't do it. The framework of the building was up, but we didn't have what it took to finish it.</div>
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But God. <i>But God.</i></div>
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At the Cinco de Mayo dinner I prepared for my boyfriend and my married best friends, the wife of the couple (also the music director at the church) shared with me an idea she'd been given straight from God about how we could raise the extra money we needed. I admit, I tried to share in her excitement, but it was hard for me to believe that it could be done. It really did seem impossible. How could we raise that much money? I honestly doubted if we'd ever see the building come to fruition. We'd been waiting for so long, and there was probably a lot longer to wait. I mean, there always had been before. Why would now be any different? It would be sometime in the future, maybe, that we'd actually see the building completed. Maybe. We'll see.</div>
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The framework was up, but whether or not we'd ever see the rest of it flushed out was totally up in the air.</div>
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That was a little over a month ago. Sitting in church this past Sunday, I watched the announcements flash on the projector screen and my eyes focused on what I read about the building. We'd started with a need of raising $18,000...and in just a little over a month, now we only have about $3,000 left.</div>
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$15,000 in a month. In a church that's been waiting for funds for a new building for five years.</div>
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<i>What? That happened??</i></div>
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We could have given up. We could have accepted defeat. We could have said, "It's too hard, it's too much work, it can't be done." That honestly would have probably been easier.</div>
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<i>But God</i>. Instead of giving up, we all just had to give a little bit more. Put in a little more extra effort, extra work, extra sacrifice. Lay down on the altar just a little more of ourselves. Say and mean, "I'm in this for the long haul. I know this is the real deal. I believe in what we're doing and I'm going to show that by stepping up and giving what's needed."</div>
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We're not finished. We still have quite a ways to go. But because of our Lord and His gift of persistence, we will see our building finished and see all our ministries flourish and see our God being glorified as a result. It's God's will, and because it is, <i>it will happen.</i></div>
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Walking around in the so-very-close-to-finished building this Sunday afternoon, I heard the Holy Spirit whispering, <i>"Look what happens when you don't give up."</i></div>
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It was just what I needed to hear.</div>
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<br /></div>Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-41374095227228461212012-06-06T17:46:00.000-04:002012-06-06T17:48:11.992-04:00BUT GOD.<span style="font-family: inherit;">This is the first of what I'm sure will be a several-part series I'm going to call "BUT GOD." You see, I find there are so many set ideas and glib, deadpanned one-liners of "good advice" that the secular world lives by and likes to try to give to me. They're easy to believe, because they're so deeply ingrained into our society and the way we treat each other and think about ourselves. However, I find they're often the opposite of the way the Bible and our Lord, through it, tells me I should act. For me, those two little words, <i>but God</i>, are game-changers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Now, whenever I'm going through a situation and I'm getting advice from all around from well-meaning friends and family members, I often get overwhelmed to the point where I have to stop and sift through it like I'm straining sand for gold. When that happens, I take a moment to stop and listen to what Daddy says, I hear those words, <i>but God</i>...and then take everything anyone else is saying through the filter of what <i>God</i> says I should do.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">For example:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The world tells me whenever someone hurts me, I have every right to be angry and I should make that person suffer whatever consequences I choose. They deserve what they get and good for me for doling it out. That'll teach 'em they can't treat me that way!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">BUT GOD says no! It's not my job to punish others. I'm to treat anyone who hurts me with love and grace. <i>"<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 22px;">Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. </span><a data-datatype=""bible+esv"" data-reference=""Ephesians 4:32"" href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=31952617" rel="milestone" style="background-color: white; color: #006ca6; display: inline-block; height: 1em; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 0px;"></a><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 22px;">Be kind to one another, tenderhearted,</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 0px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 22px;">forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."<b> -Ephesians 4:31-32</b></span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 22px;">The world tells me I should stand up for myself, be prideful, have a backbone. Don't let anyone see me cry. Be a strong woman and don't let anyone walk all over me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">BUT GOD says to humble myself before Him and before others, that it takes a stronger woman to be humble than it does to be self-righteous, and that He will give me the grace I need to do it. <i> "</i></span><span style="background-color: white;"><i>Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.'<span style="line-height: 22px;">"<b> -1 Peter 5:5</b></span></i></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 22px;">The world tells me that when someone can't give me "what I want," I should ditch them and find someone else who can, because I "deserve better."</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 22px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">BUT GOD says, instead, to have patience, show graciousness, and pray. It's not about what others can give me, but how much of God's grace I can show them. " </span></span><span style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><i>Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love." <b>-Ephesians 4:2</b></i></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 22px;">The world tells me that when something goes wrong, that's it. No second chances. You had your chance and you blew it. Sorry 'bout your luck, but we're through.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">BUT GOD says, of course, to be forgiving - every single time, time and time again. <i>"</i></span></span><i><span class="text Col-3-12" id="en-NIV-29530" style="background-color: white;">Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29530AA" title="See cross-reference AA">AA</a>)"></sup>with compassion, kindness, humility, <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29530AB" title="See cross-reference AB">AB</a>)"></sup>gentleness and patience.</span><span class="text Col-3-13" id="en-NIV-29531" style="background-color: white;"><sup class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;"> </sup>Bear with each other <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29531AD" title="See cross-reference AD">AD</a>)"></sup>and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." <b>-Colossians 3:12-13</b></span></i></span><br />
<i><span class="text Col-3-13" style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The world tells me (this one's my favorite) to give up, to quit being a silly little girl with crazy ideas, to stop believing for the impossible and stop expecting things from God or from others. She who expects nothing will never be disappointed, right?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">BUT GOD says to ask, seek, and knock, to approach Him with confidence, and to use the power of Jesus' name to boldly step out in faith for what He's put in my heart and expect to see miracles! "<i><span style="background-color: white;">Jesus looked at them and said, '</span><span class="woj" style="background-color: white;">With man this is impossible, but not with God; <b>all things are possible with God</b>.'”<b> -Mark 10:27</b></span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">BUT GOD. Two little words that change the entire conversation.</span>Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-18069857199274598052012-05-21T22:56:00.001-04:002012-05-21T22:56:50.090-04:00Anything But Gracious<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love." <b>-Psalm 145:8</b></i></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX1QETt-xS2Nea517T92TVEsJvKX0fBWDU9L3oprSEORzeJoi0XpZhk_2rvLMHveSfhl9IYwSP9aYKtaQu6bWCn8vzhrUr_Jkx_DtvtSVNGLR7l7MkjihyphenhyphenCE2tkCmOCpbtv8Uj/s1600/tempter+tantrum+girl+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX1QETt-xS2Nea517T92TVEsJvKX0fBWDU9L3oprSEORzeJoi0XpZhk_2rvLMHveSfhl9IYwSP9aYKtaQu6bWCn8vzhrUr_Jkx_DtvtSVNGLR7l7MkjihyphenhyphenCE2tkCmOCpbtv8Uj/s1600/tempter+tantrum+girl+2.jpg" /></a>What does it mean to be gracious?<br />
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Being gracious means being gentle, being forgiving, being <i>slow to anger, merciful, </i>and <i>compassionate</i>. It means cutting the other person some slack. It means not reacting even if you're justified in doing so.<br />
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It means <i>being like God</i>.<br />
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I admit, I often want to throw temper tantrums. I want to freak out and melt down and scream and cry and pound on the floor with my fists. I want to cause a ruckus until I get what I want, you big meanie!<br />
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If I did, though, I think my life would look vastly different, and definitely not in a good way. <br />
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I'm just going to come out and say it: my Daddy, God, prevents me from doing a lot of stupid stuff.<br />
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A couple Saturdays ago, when I was sitting alone during my lunch break at work, God reminded me of a moment about six months ago when I wanted to throw a temper tantrum the likes of which the world has never seen. It just kept coming back to me, this moment, like it was yesterday. I was hurt and angry and upset and I wanted to demand that the car I was in turn itself right around and go back again. I wanted to pick up my toys and go home and that would be that. <i>How dare you do this to me?!</i><br />
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I really wanted to. I almost did, in fact. But I knew - with God's help, I remember that somehow I <i>knew</i> - that I wasn't supposed to behave that way. Not now. Not this time. I wasn't supposed to throw the temper tantrum. I literally, no word of a lie, was <i>not able to</i>. Instead, I had to be gracious. And with my Lord's very real help, I was.<br />
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God reminded me of how that moment, that hour, felt. I remembered all the feelings of hurt and how I wanted to just throw in the towel right there. And then He whispered, <i>"Aren't you glad you didn't?"</i><br />
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My breath caught. Sitting there at one of the little tables they have for us to sit outside and enjoy the sunshine amidst the concrete of the corporate call center where I work, I realized what could have been if I hadn't listened to God. If He hadn't physically prevented me from throwing the tantrum I wanted to. How different things would be. How much I would have missed. How much of God's will would not have been done. How much of a <i>tragedy</i> it would have all been. I honestly nearly cried right there thinking about it.<br />
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How much does being gracious really cost you? Your pride, for a moment? Is pride really worth it? Not for my money. Pride in being indignant, superior, offended...versus being kind, forgiving, and loving? Being known as gentle rather than tough? Being real with someone rather than putting up a wall of "protection"?<br />
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When I realized how much God had saved me from myself that day six months ago, it was all I could do not to kneel down on the ground right there in the middle of my workday and praise Him. I probably should have, to be honest. I did later, when I drove home from work and stopped at my church, kneeling at the altar in humble thankfulness.<br />
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I want Daddy to continue to keep me from my temper tantrums. They don't accomplish anything. <i>Grace</i> is what moves relationships, ministries, and God's will forward. And if I'm known as <i>gentle</i> rather than <i>tough</i>, well, that's just fine by me.<br />
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Because in my experience, I can't afford to be <i>anything but gracious</i>.<br />
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<br />Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-23258698429685651682012-05-09T14:01:00.001-04:002012-05-09T14:06:25.732-04:00Kerfluffled!If you didn't already know, I live in North Carolina. Last night during the primaries, Amendment One was passed. If you don't know what Amendment One is, you can find it <a href="http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0512/76081.html">here</a>.<br />
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Now, since this is not nor will it ever be a political blog, I am not going to discuss my opinions on Amendment One or how I voted. That's not the point - because, honestly, my opinions really don't matter. Amendment One passed and now, regardless of how you voted or what you believe, it's up to us to deal with the myriad results.<br />
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However, the passing of this amendment has caused a lot of people, including some very close to me, to become quite upset. They've got a wild hair. They're frothed up. They're kerfluffled. And that's a feeling I'm very familiar with, and about which God continues to work with me every day.<br />
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Being kerfluffled isn't fun. It's kind of awful. It's like flapping your arms around in the deep end of a swimming pool when you're trying to get to the other side. It's posturing and pontificating and wailing and doing <i>everything but what you should be doing</i> in the situation. Doesn't matter why, or what it's about - your relationships, your work, your ministry, your friends, your family, your state, your country, or even the world and everyone in it - ultimately, being kerfluffled in and of itself does absolutely nothing except make you look silly. <br />
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Bottom line: being kerfluffled is getting over-the-top upset about something you have absolutely no control over and expecting that to make some sort of difference. It won't. Trust me. I do it a lot. And I've spent weeks and months and years flapping my arms around at God wailing and frothing at the mouth while He's been watching me with a divine raised eyebrow waiting for me to tire myself out like a toddler and then just go take a nap and let Him do the work He's been wanting to do all along.<br />
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So then, what can we do? What happens when things aren't working out the way we want or what God told us seems impossible or nothing is going according to plan? Well, here's a bit of what my Lord has been teaching me, if you're interested. (Keep in mind, God lovingly but firmly beats these into me nearly every waking moment, so I'm telling <i>myself </i>all this just as much, and probably more, as anyone else.)<br />
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<b>1. Pray. </b>I could and probably will write a whole blog post (or 100) on just this. <i>Pray.</i> We often say, "All we can do now is pray," but prayer is actually <i>the most powerful thing we can do</i>. It is harnessing the <i>divine power of God</i>, the supreme privilege of doing that which has been given to us as Christians when we pray faithfully and believe our prayers have meaning. And yet we so often overlook it, thinking we can handle things ourselves. Go to the power source first - it's right there!<br />
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<i>"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people." <b>-Ephesians 6:18</b></i><br />
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<b>2. Calm down and trust God. </b>Quit. Just stop. No, seriously - sit down and be quiet. Stop being indignant and angry and riled up. Tame that wild hair. You are not a martyr. You are not the Only Person Who Can Fix It. In fact, you can't fix it at all - only God can. Things will go a lot faster if you just <i>let Him</i>. Stop looking at the problem and start looking at The Solution.<br />
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<i>"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." <b>-Romans 15:13</b></i><br />
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<b>3. Be an example of Christ. </b>No one is going to listen to you if you are acting unloving, belligerent, defensive, and immature. Do you reward a child who is throwing a temper tantrum? The way to surprise people and to do God's work is and will always be to be an example of Christ. That means being sacrificial, giving people the benefit of the doubt, and loving unconditionally. It's <i>really hard</i> - believe me, I know. But it's what God commands us to do. What's the alternative?<br />
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">"But Jesus called them unto him, and said, 'Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; a</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">nd whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: e</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">ven as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.'" <b>-Matthew 20:25-28</b></span></i><br />
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<b>4. Don't give up. <span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>"</i></span></b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="background-color: white;">Let us not become weary in doing good, </span><sup class="crossreference" style="background-color: white; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29198O" title="See cross-reference O">O</a>)"></sup></i><span style="background-color: white;"><i>for at the proper time we will reap a harvest</i><b style="font-style: italic;"> if we do not give up.</b><i>"</i> <b style="font-style: italic;">-Galatians 6:9</b>, emphasis mine<b style="font-style: italic;"> </b>- I couldn't have said it better.</span></span><br />
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Stop being kerfluffled. Calm down, pray, trust God, and don't give up - in whatever situation you are facing. Also, know that you're not alone - with God's help, I am endeavoring to do the very same.Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-26564712075760029392012-05-02T14:50:00.002-04:002012-05-02T21:57:32.068-04:00Living Gratefully<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." <b>-1 Thessalonians 5:16-18</b></i></div>
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I haven't been posting much in my dear little blog lately, and for that, I'm sorry. I have about six posts started, though, so hopefully there will be more reading material here soon!<br />
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What I <i>have</i> been doing instead of posting, though, has been incredible. I've been <i>living</i> - living in the fullness of the incredible blessings God has graciously showered on me in the last eight months or so. It is an amazing season in my life - one in which God is being glorified in ways I've been praying and believing for since I spent my year in the wilderness with Him in England in 2006. That year when He took me, molded me, pounded on me, worked in me, softened me, and began what I didn't know would be a five-year process of turning me into Who I Needed To Be for that next step.<br />
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I can hardly believe it, but that next step is now.<br />
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<i>Ministry. Partnership. Art. Inspiration. Edification. Leadership. Love. </i>In 2006, God spoke to me about all these things, telling me that in the future He would bring me together with someone who would be a leader in ministry and with whom I would share many passions about art, theater, writing, and faith. We would work together in active, powerful ways to bring others closer to our Lord - work we couldn't do alone. One would be strong where the other was weak. One would be faithful when the other struggled. He dragged me into that place of isolation to work on me and gave me glimpses of the future in order to help me get through the desert.<br />
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Some of the things God told me during that time were, <i>"You can't do it. I have to do it. Let Me do it," </i> <i>"It will be hard, but it will be worth it,"</i> and <i>"Your future life is going to look completely different from anything you could ever imagine."</i><br />
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Oh my, but <i>how true</i> that all was.<br />
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Seven months ago, I walked into a local coffee shop and met a smiling young man after a week of exchanging long emails and deep thoughts. That night, we ended up sitting in his car until after 2 in the morning talking about God. And we've been talking about Him ever since.<br />
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Our relationship didn't happen overnight. (That's another story - or several - for another time!) But it has so clearly been God's will this whole time. He spoke to both of us individually, many times. He spoke to us together - and still does, every week when we go to two church services together. We ended up building our relationship on deep friendship and mutual faith, and the strength of the foundation we have is something I praise God for every day.<br />
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Now, I am proud and honored to call him so much more than my boyfriend. He is my ministry partner, my inspiration, and quite often my spiritual leader. We are working in ministry together in ways I never dreamed of or thought possible. We are bringing people together in supportive faith who would never be so otherwise. With God's help, we are walking out His will side by side. Even more, I am watching everything that God spoke to me in 2006 become reality.<br />
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I wake up every morning praising God for His blessings, and spend every day praying about all that He is doing. As so often happens in life, things are uncertain right now about our ministry and our future. If I choose to let myself, I could get completely stymied in fear and not be able to keep going with what I know needs to be done. It's a real temptation for me - but I know that would not be Respecting the Blessing, or the God who has given it.<br />
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So I am choosing to live gratefully. God deserves praise and honor and glory for everything He is doing. He also deserves my respect and trust to take care of everything according to His will. It's not easy for me (though it should be, after more than 20 years of knowing God), but I am choosing to trust Him. <i>"Chill out, sweetie - just trust Me!"</i> is what He has been saying <a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2011/11/man-with-plan.html">this whole time</a>. And that has proven, obviously, to be the best thing indeed.<br />
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<i>"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" <b>-Numbers 23:19</b></i></div>
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<i>It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true. <b>-Rascal Flatts</b></i></div>
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Stay tuned - there will be more to come!</div>
<br />Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-54505021058025091732012-04-08T21:27:00.002-04:002012-04-08T21:52:20.848-04:00Every Day is Easter<div style="text-align: center; "><span style="font-size: 100%; "><i>The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay." <b>-Matthew 28:5-6</b></i></span></div><div style="font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; ">Holy Week is always a busy week for me, but this year it was especially so. I was working. My parents were visiting from Pennsylvania and staying with me and my dog in my apartment for a week - three people and two dogs in my two-bedroom apartment! Just like every year, I directed our church's drama team to put on a Good Friday play to bring to life the story of the crucifixion, so we had rehearsals and of course a church service in the evening on Good Friday. My sister's college touring choir stopped in Raleigh for a performance. My boyfriend met my family for the first time. Also, he and I are two different denominations of Christian, so we went to the sunrise Easter service at my church early this morning and then went to his church's service a few hours later.</div><div style="font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-weight: normal; "><span style="font-style: normal; ">Let's just say it was a lot. A wonderful, God-glorifying time, which I wouldn't trade for the whole world, </span><i>really</i>...but, still, kind of a lot.</div><div style="font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; ">And I did what I swore I would never do: I let myself, just for a bit, forget the whole reason we were doing all of this in the first place. I didn't even realize it, but I had.</div><div style="font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; ">See, to me, Easter is the ultimate Christian holiday. I know a lot of people make Christmas out to be the biggest, but frankly, a virgin birth pales in comparison to Jesus rising from the dead. I know, ipso facto, grant the premise, He had to be born in order to die...but c'mon. The whole point was for Jesus to be crucified and rise again. Christmas is great, but that's just the exposition of the story. Easter is the climax.</div><div style="font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-weight: normal; "><span style="font-style: normal; ">And yet, I'd unknowingly let myself get so busy</span><i> </i>with church activities and family and work - all blessings! - that I, like so many others do, usually ironically at Christmas - forgot what it was really about.</div><div style="font-weight: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; ">But then, suddenly, the whirlwind was over. It was around two o'clock this afternoon, after two church services and Easter lunch. My parents had packed up and were headed back to Pennsylvania. My boyfriend, also exhausted, had gone home. I was left alone with my dog for the first time in more than a week...and, inexplicably, I was so lonely I wanted to cry.</div><div style="font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-weight: normal; "><i>"What is wrong with me?"</i> I kept thinking over and over as I held my dog and squeezed her. (She was probably thinking the same thing!)</div><div style="font-weight: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-weight: normal; ">Then I realized - <i>that's it</i>. That's the <i>whole point</i>. Jesus <i>rose from the dead</i>. He defeated sin and death so we would <i>never have to be alone</i>. Because of His sacrifice - because of His victory! - nothing will <i>ever</i>, again or since, separate us from the love of God.</div><div style="font-weight: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-weight: normal; ">How awful would it be if there was no Easter? How awful would it be if He had not risen?</div><div style="font-weight: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-weight: normal; ">But He did. Praise God!</div><div style="font-weight: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-weight: normal; "><i>Because He lives...</i>I can face tomorrow, all fear is gone, and I know Who holds the future. And that's what makes it Easter every single day.</div>Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-71677799428758043532012-03-18T21:18:00.005-04:002012-03-18T21:42:09.787-04:00The Tough Get Loving<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN7egMFhWufQN6WtKfEY7ltJzPN6U4h_rLRWnahVmPmOikKTbmZCpNEamLQJzJrFcUrQa7IzKj9CwGSuw6P8CowSUDP-RZxdDGFhBZIxc_UsiZS6k48CggP_f5gC9vf_tI8hDq/s1600/never-stop-loving.jpg" style="font-size: 100%; font-family: Georgia, serif; "><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN7egMFhWufQN6WtKfEY7ltJzPN6U4h_rLRWnahVmPmOikKTbmZCpNEamLQJzJrFcUrQa7IzKj9CwGSuw6P8CowSUDP-RZxdDGFhBZIxc_UsiZS6k48CggP_f5gC9vf_tI8hDq/s200/never-stop-loving.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5721416614838026578" /></a><div style="font-style: normal; text-align: center; "><i>"Human affection is not poured forth vainly, even though it meet no return." -<b>Mary Baker Eddy, "Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures"</b></i></div><div style="font-style: normal; text-align: center; "><br /></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span>The older I get, the more I come to understand how difficult it can be to really get close to someone else. </span><span><span> There's a lot at stake: pride, emotions, faith. We're complicated. We're scared. We have issues and baggage and pasts. The truth of the matter is that we're all fragile, instinctively self-protecting creatures who, often despite ourselves</span><span>, have an </span>irrepressible<span> need for love and relationships.</span></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span><span>Otherwise, we'd all be floating around in our own little life-bubbles like some science fiction sitcom gone terribly wrong. </span></span>Can't you just picture it? "Hi, Susie." "Oh, hi Fred!" "What's going on?" "Oh, nothing. Nothing can hurt me in this bubble!" "I know, isn't it great?!" "Okay, well, I'm gonna go float over here now for awhile." "Okay, see you later!" Cue the fake applause.</div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span>See, it doesn't work.</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span>We're made for relationships. We're made to get involved, to get messy, to get our hands in up to our elbows in each other's muck and get deeply invested. When we don't, we're not living the fullest life God intends for us.</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span>But the other, harder truth of the matter is that everyone you really love will, eventually, hurt you in some way. Everyone you really invest in will (probably unintentionally) do something to make you upset or angry or feel unloved or </span>without value<span>. Everyone you give your heart to, in any </span>capacity<span>, will disappoint you somehow. Parents, children, spouses, friends, family, church members, coworkers. It's just a part of being in the world.</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; ">As Christians, though, we're in the world, but not <i>of</i> the world...so how does that translate into our relationships?</div><div style="font-style: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-style: normal; ">Over the last few months, many of my friends have come to me to talk, vent, and sometimes cry, hurt and frustrated with other people in their lives. They express their angst with phrases that have often echoed in my own mind and heart. Phrases like, <i>How long do I have to keep waiting? Why aren't I good enough? How much more do I have to give? Is it even worth it? Will the reward ever be worth the risk?</i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i><br /></i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span>Their experiences - as well as my own - have brought me into a deeper understanding of what love really is, and what God means when he instructs us on how to love. If you needed to describe God with one word, that word would be <i>love</i>. </span><span>Sure, He's</span><span> </span><i>grace</i><span> </span><span>and</span><span> </span><i>mercy </i><span>and</span><span> </span><i>forgiveness </i><span>and </span><i>peace</i><span> </span><span>and</span><span> </span><i>justice</i><span> </span><span>and</span><span> </span><i>comfort</i><span> </span><span>too, plus much more, but when it comes right down to it, all of that can be summed up in four little letters: l-o-v-e.</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><br /></div><div><span style="font-style: normal; ">Love isn't just a mushy, poofy feeling that makes your stomach flutter or your heart swell. It's not just sweet words or nice compliments or pacification until that twitterpated feeling runs out and you need another dose. </span>Love is a <i style="font-style: normal; ">decision</i>. It's devotion. Commitment. Sacrifice. Giving of yourself even when the other person isn't or can't or isn't quite there. Giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. Choosing to say <i>yes</i> to God, and choosing to say to the other person, <i>"You're more important than I am." </i>Giving whatever it is you have in yourself to give, and trusting God with the rest. </div><div style="font-style: normal; "><br /></div><div><span style="font-style: normal; "><span>Why? Because </span></span><i style="font-style: normal; ">that's what God does.</i><span style="font-style: normal; "><span> Don't mistake it - God <i>wants</i> us to love Him just as He loves us. He </span></span><i style="font-style: normal; ">desires</i><span><span> our praise and devotion and adoration and worship, but He doesn't withhold His love from us if we don't give it. He doesn't stop loving us, stop giving of Himself, stop pouring out His blessings, when we're distant or cold or ignore Him - or even worse, when we say we don't believe at all. He <i>never </i></span><i>stops loving</i>. He never asks if we're worth it. <span style="font-style: normal; ">All the time, He's right there. The moment Jesus gave up His life on the cross was the ultimate demonstration of, </span></span><i>"You are more important than I am."</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>In my own moments of questioning or angst or heartbreak, I've often cried out to God in frustration those same questions I wrote above. <i>I'm scared. It's so risky. Is it really worth it? </i> Over the past few months and years, God has taught me that loving someone is <i>always</i> worth it, because ultimately, that love is from Him. And no matter the outcome, it will bring the other person <i>and </i>me, as well, that much closer to God - the ultimate and only source of love in the first place. When your first source of affection is God's unconditional, unfailing love, the love you get from everyone else is just icing on the cake.</div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i><br /></i></div><div>So what happens when, inevitably, your relationships get tough? Well, from what I can tell, when things get tough, <i>the tough get loving.</i></div>Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-48850545915131344442011-12-27T21:09:00.005-05:002011-12-27T21:59:29.806-05:00Peace, Hope, Love, and Abundance<div style="text-align: center;"><i>"The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word." <b>-Hebrews 1:3</b></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>If you're looking for hope, hope is with us</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>If you're searching for love, love is here</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>If you hunger for peace, peace is waiting</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>It is Heaven's gift and it is near.</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>You're ashamed of your past, yet He wants you</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>You've refused Him before, still He waits</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>You're afraid you will fail, but He'll help you</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>If you only take a step of faith.</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Come to all you long for</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Come to all you need</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Come now and see,</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Come receive God's only begotten Son -</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Come.</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: left;">My challenge to you is this: take a step of faith this year and go out on a limb with our Lord, into the life and purpose for which He created you. Ask Him. Listen for what He answers. And then go for it. Step into the center of His will for your life. <i>Live for Him.</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"I am come that they may have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."<b> -Jesus, John 10:10</b></i></div>Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-61165029818042631402011-12-14T21:58:00.005-05:002011-12-15T07:55:51.504-05:00A Flight Risk<div style="text-align: center;"><i>"Everything that's worth doing, you're going to want to quit at least once." -my dad</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: left;">So tell me this: were you ever just going about your business, trusting God with things, hum-diddly-um-dum...and then suddenly something opens up in front of you like a huge gaping maw of potential and your knee-jerk response is "<i>Holy crap!" </i>and all you want to do is turn around and <i>flee</i> as if your life depended on it?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">No? Just me?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMbwfezmKiN3O8zNoZcqmSt1SEfB1qR4B9VaLIGYmhNlTTQx7hucw1Z1_wLeaksrBVVC4zQccU70sXRWG5609pGTZuCk8kMZd7B4Ez6OfblrF5DlBqcwY5dZFs9kd6KOFfMpZ3/s200/purple+wings.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5686199112067138002" style="float: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 140px; " />Up until now, I can't say I've ever really been much of a flight risk to the people in my life. I don't really bail on things. God (seriously, <i>God</i>) has put a tenacity in me causes people to literally have to shove me out and slam the door in my face if they want me out of their lives. And then, usually, I stand outside on the doorstep expectantly until they open it again.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div><div><div style="text-align: left;">But then, it happened - I found myself smack in the middle of a situation where I was stuck been gleeful excitement and pure, utter terror. I couldn't explain it, but I literally wanted to just <i>run</i>. Run out, get in my car, drive away, and never look back. It was a very new feeling for me.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">And why?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Because I just kept thinking, "<i>There's no way I can live up to this. I am SO not good enough." </i>Over and over and over again. "<i>Holy crap, I am SO not good enough!!"</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: left;">And so, rather than step up and try, I wanted to flee.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">But I didn't. For the record, I could have.<i> </i>For what I think was the first time in my life, I <i>wanted</i> <i>to</i>. Oh my gosh, but I wanted to just totally flake out. Sorry, Charlie, but I can't do it. That sounded like a much better idea than having all my shortcomings inevitably thrust under a spotlight - which, if I didn't run, they surely would be sometime in the very near future.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I knew, though, that'd I'd have been in, shall we say, <i>very big cosmic trouble</i> if I ran. See, that would have been pretty much the opposite of Respecting the Blessing. Spitting in God's face. Sneering at His gift. Rolling my eyes at His love towards me.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">So I didn't. I stayed. Sometimes I felt like the hand of God was literally pinning me to the chair, but by Heaven, I stayed.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">As I thought about it over next few days, suddenly a lot more of my life started to make sense. Why people often push me away or flee. Why people flake out on me. I admit - I often expect a lot. I invest all of myself and, apparently, that makes people feel guilty, like they have to do the same. Well, dang, no wonder they run. That's a lot to ask. Mind you, that's just who I am; I'm not asking anything of anyone else consciously. But now, I <i>got it - </i>because it got <i>real</i> up in that place <i>quick</i>, let me tell you.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The thing is, I am <i>not</i> a confident person. In fact, I'm probably the most insecure person you'll ever meet. (I try to make up for it with enthusiasm and witty comments.) Now, what is insecurity, really, but <i>fear </i>that <i>you're just not good enough? </i>Yep, that's me. I suspect that a lot of other people feel that way as well - we just don't talk about it. It's too deep. It's too much. It's something we don't want to admit to ourselves. So instead, we run. It's easier that way.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">If I'm being honest, insecurity is probably my deepest-seeded sin, and one that constantly comes between me and God - and then me and the people I love. It's a maddening, vicious cycle, and I'm my own worst enemy. <i>All the time</i>. God and I, well, we're working on it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I <i>really</i> wanted to run that day, but I couldn't. I knew it would have been a huge act of disobedience. I knew I couldn't have lived with myself. I would have allowed <i>my own sin</i> to ruin an incredible blessing God had given me - one I've actually been wishing for pretty much my whole life, in fact.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Now, wouldn't <i>that </i>have been a terrible shame?</div></div></div>Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31952617.post-24614611560723790782011-12-01T19:41:00.008-05:002011-12-02T22:26:54.017-05:0028 Things*<span class="Apple-style-span">*Like "27 Dresses", but with less tulle.**</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span">**But probably the same amount of cheesiness....if not more, let's be honest.</span></div><div><br /></div><div>So, I turned the big, gulp, 2-9 last week. Climbed into the ride and strapped myself in for the last year of my 20's. The Last Hurrah. The Final Farewell. This is it, people.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm now the age of Jane Austen's oldest heroine...which, I suppose, means I have one more year during which to somehow Get It Right. Heaven only knows if that'll happen. Seriously - Heaven. Only. Knows.</div><div><br /></div><div>But I figure, I <i>must</i> have learned something throughout this past year, right?<i> </i>Goodness, here's hoping. To that end, I decided to make a list. I admit that some of these span slightly further back than a year ago, but not too much - this past year was pretty darn eventful.</div><div><br /></div><div>And so, in pretty close to chronological order, here are 28 Things I Learned During Year 28.</div><div><br /></div><div>1. Real smiles are the best ever.</div><div><br /></div><div>2. Apparently, I act blond sometimes. But shhh - when it makes someone laugh, it's <i>intentional</i>.</div><div><br /></div><div>3. When God points out someone for me to minister to with a cosmic neon sign, pretending I don't see it is just <a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2011/08/cosmically-cream-pied-my-suffering-for.html"><span class="Apple-style-span">prolonging the inevitable</span></a>.</div><div><br /></div><div>4. My emotions display themselves unashamedly spread-eagled on my face no matter how hard I try to hide them. Every time.</div><div><br /></div><div>5. It's possibly not a coincidence that it rains every. single. time I step foot onto the campus of Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. I'm just saying - my hair NEVER looks right at that place!</div><div><br /></div><div>6. What I dislike in other people often <a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2011/04/30-going-on-13.html"><span class="Apple-style-span">directly correlates</span></a> with what I dislike about myself.</div><div><br /></div><div>7. God actually really does know what He's doing. I know, shocker.</div><div><br /></div><div>8. I sang "It Is Well With My Soul" as a duet with my best friend on Good Friday and it was possibly the purest, most raw form of emotion in art I've ever expressed.</div><div><br /></div><div>9. Just being me produces far better results than huffing and puffing and striving to be someone else.</div><div><br /></div><div>10. I got my first paid writing gig this year, writing ad copy for websites. While it was great to be paid to write, and I wouldn't sneeze at doing it again...it kind of felt a little bit what I'd imagine prostitution would feel like. Not that I know. Because I don't. Really! Wait, what was I talking about again?</div><div><br /></div><div>11. What Any Sane Woman Would Do is never what I do. </div><div><br /></div><div>12. When God closes a door, He opens...oh, wait, you know that one already? Well, it's totally true.</div><div><br /></div><div>13. God is not, in fact, turning men celibate to keep me single...although for a brief period this summer, it really felt that way. More on that later. Good story, actually.</div><div><br /></div><div>14. To get anywhere, I have to give 100%. Not 70%. Not 80%. Not even 90%. Even though I've gotten away with it in the past...no more. Everything God gives me deserves 100% of my effort and commitment.</div><div><br /></div><div>15. The <a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2010/04/cheer-up-sleepy-jean.html"><span class="Apple-style-span">jackpot</span></a> is totally, incredibly, fantastically awesome. Every single time, in fact. </div><div><br /></div><div>16. Every person you really love will make you cry. I often think about how many times I've made God cry. It knocks the wind out of me.</div><div><br /></div><div>17, When God blesses you, humility and maturity are the best resources. Otherwise, people get bitter. People get bitter anyway, but it's harder to be jealous when the person you're jealous of is gracious. Hopefully.</div><div><br /></div><div>18. During an agent/customer role-playing game at my corporate call center job training, after hearing me be the "agent," all the men in the training class exclaimed, "Whew! I'm buying <i>whatever you're selling</i>!" That pretty much made my...well, up until now, really. And that was two months ago.</div><div><br /></div><div>19. Shhh - I'm not a hardcore salesperson. But I <i>am</i> an actress. </div><div><br /></div><div>20. My favorite thing ever (which I knew before this year, but still) is, once I get to know someone, letting them see a little more who I really am by saying things that shock them. That shocked, incredulous laughter is the <i>best thing ever</i>.</div><div><br /></div><div>21. Three words: <a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2011/11/when-dealings-done.html"><span class="Apple-style-span">Respect. The. Blessing</span></a>.</div><div><br /></div><div>22. I am no longer a Renaissance Faire virgin. But, unsurprisingly, I'll be better prepared and even more, ahem, <i>in character</i> next year.</div><div><br /></div><div>23. When your <i>pastor</i> calls you Bridget Jones, well, that's pretty much your <a href="http://presentmirth.blogspot.com/2009/05/its-funny-cause-its-true.html"><span class="Apple-style-span">sign</span></a>.</div><div><br /></div><div>24. The fact that so many people I've met over the last few years have opened up to me, confided in me, shared with me, let me pray with them, and have come to me as their spiritual point of contact is at once overwhelmingly humbling and incredibly gratifying. My Lord is so good. All the spiritual bottom-kicking I've taken this last decade is starting to bear some amazing fruit. It's all Him.</div><div><br /></div><div>25. However, I am not a spiritual Yoda, not by a long shot. I need just as much Godly succor as anyone else. And someone to keep my head on straight...pretty much all the time, in fact.</div><div><br /></div><div>26. Christian Scientists are all really, really nice people.</div><div><br /></div><div>27. There is a huge difference between someone for whom you feel like you <i>have</i> to be better and someone because of whom you <i>want</i> to be a better version of yourself.</div><div><br /></div><div>28. Five words from a fake nun were the biggest cosmic cream-pie I've experienced yet.</div><div><br /></div><div>That's my wisdom from this year, folks. I hope it spoke to you in the way you needed it to most. Tune in next year as I begin a new decade - and hopefully, I will have learned even more from the incredible things my Lord is about to do in the next 350-odd days left of this one!</div>Elissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827889971942142041noreply@blogger.com0