One Safe Place

Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find? -Proverbs 20:6

On the back of our bulletins every Sunday is a little blurb - a testimony - usually about the Bible verse we're reading in church that week.  A couple of weeks ago, it was about this idea of steadfast love.  The writer described his grandmother's love as "persistent and no-nonsense love," stating that she wasn't sentimental or sweet or over-the-top; instead, the love she gave was, simply, present.  Constant.  Unfailing.

That's how God loves us.  His love for us is persistent and no-nonsense.  It doesn't matter what we do.  We can push Him away, hate Him, curse Him, deny Him, loathe Him.  We can forget about Him for months on end.  We can exclude Him from our lives.  We can not answer Him and not seek Him and not care about Him at all.

But He will never stop loving us, never stop pursuing us, never stop patiently waiting for us to turn around and realize He's been right there with us all along.

As I read that testimony in church, I thought, I want to be like that.

I want to love people the way God loves me.  Isn't that the point?  Love people with a no-nonsense, persistent, unfailing love.  A love that is secure and in which they can be confident.  In which they can rest.  I want the people I love to know that I am there.  I love them, I always will, and that's it.  End of discussion.

It doesn't matter what they do.  They can push me away, ignore me, forget about me, exclude me.  I don't care.  Once I'm in your life, I'm in it, you're stuck with me, and there ain't nothin' you can do about it.  Sorry 'bout your luck.

I want to be that soft place to fall for the people I love.  I want them to know that no matter what they do, they can always come back and receive grace from me.  I want to be their resting place in their time of need, their encourager in their sorrows, their strength in their struggles, their lifeline in the darkest night.  When I go to be with the Lord, I want the people I leave behind to say "She was the most gracious and giving person I knew.  She was where I would turn for love and to feel close to God.  The light of the Holy Spirit just shone out through her."

Marc Cohn sings a song called "One Safe Place" which I think describes perfectly the kind of love I'm talking about.  Here are the lyrics:

How many roads you’ve travelled
How many dreams you’ve chased
Across sand and sky and gravel
Looking for one safe place?

Will you make a smoother landing
When you break your fall from grace?
Into the arms of understanding
Looking for one safe place.

Oh, life is trial by fire
And love’s the sweetest taste
And I pray it lifts us higher
To one safe place.

I get my love from my Lord.  His love is unfailing, so mine can be, too.  That is going to be my starting place from now on.

Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you. -Isaiah 54:10

The Stretch

Cast your cares on the Lord

and he will sustain you;

He will never let

the righteous be shaken. -Psalm 55:22

My apartment is right next to a lake with a walking trail circling its two-mile circumference.  Nearly every day, I take my toy poodle and we traipse around it.  We're very blessed to live here.

Even though she's a little tyke at barely five pounds with tiny legs, my Lottie usually makes it most of the way around on her own.  However, there's one part - one stretch overlooking the lake right by the parking lot - where she absolutely refuses to walk.  Every single time, right before we approach the hill to get to the stretch, she stops and sits down.  It never fails.  She will not walk across that stretch for anything.

Now, when that happens, I have three choices:  I can leave her there (um, not going to happen); I can drag her (that would be dog abuse); or, I can pick her up and carry her across.  I know from experience that she'll walk once we get to the other side.

Tonight, as I carried her across the stretch, it made me think about how so very often we're like this with God.

So many seasons in our lives are like these long, scary stretches.  It's really just a part of the trail, but we don't want to walk across them.  We want to sit down, plant our butts on the ground, and be stubborn.

And then God has three choices:  He can leave us there (um, not going to happen); He can drag us (but He won't); or, He can pick us up and carry us across.

I'm Lottie's owner.  I'm her protector, her guardian, her mama.  I'm not going to abandon her or abuse her.  I'm going to carry her.

How much more does God do that for us?

I've been told I should be more firm with Lottie, that I should make her walk, that she's not the boss, but I am.  Maybe that's true.  Maybe I need to be more stern and forcible with her.  But in that moment, every time, when I'm given the choice to leave her, drag her, or carry her - I know which one I'm going to choose.

Sometimes we reach those long, scary stretches and we need God to carry us.  Praise Him that He doesn't even think twice about it.  Suddenly, just like that - we're in His loving, protective, comforting arms.

"It's okay, my dear child - I'll get you there," our Daddy assures us.

It Is Well

For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

“Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. -1 Corinthians 15:53-58

Last night, someone whom I dearly love very suddenly lost someone whom he dearly loved.

It is in times like these when I wish I had more answers.

I would do anything I had to do if I could take away his grief.  Really, anything.  But I can't. 

I've never felt so helpless.  All I can really say is I'm so sorry.  I can't do anything else.

But God.

God is still God.  He is still all loving, all knowing, the Comforter, the Healer, the Beginning and the End.  He is the I AM.  He is the Creator, the Author and Finisher of our faith.  

God is Daddy.  He wants us to climb up into His lap and let Him put His loving arms around us and wipe the tears from our eyes and whisper, "It's going to be okay.  I love you.  You are my precious child."

I don't have the answers.  I don't know why we get sick.  I don't know why everything suddenly changes. I don't know why bad things happen and diagnoses are given and then nothing seems to make sense.

But what I do know is this:  God is love.  Three simple words - God is love.  That's it.

And what is love?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. -1 Corinthians 13:4-8

God is not judge, jury, and executioner.  He does not sit on His throne ruling that we're sick based on our sins or shortcomings or lack of faith.  God hates illness, disease, and suffering just as much as we do.  He wants us to live in the full abundance of His love, His blessings, His forgiveness, and His grace.  The Lord's prayer says "on Earth as it is in Heaven."  Is there any sickness in Heaven? 

No.

So until we get there, we just have to keep looking to God for grace in our time of need.

Sickness is not a divine punishment, and death is not the end.

It is well.

Show Up or Shut Up

In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. -James 2:17

It was a Saturday in early December of last year, and I had a choice to make.

I could get dressed up, do the ridiculous wiggling-into-pantyhose-dance, slip into a sweater-dress, brush my teeth, do my makeup, curl my hair, get in my car, and drive well nigh on 45 minutes, in the rain, no less, to a place I'd never been before to support someone I cared about but who I wasn't sure cared about me. Or I could stay home with my dog, who I know cares about me, and watch TV in my pajamas.

Guess which one I wanted to do?

I thought about it all day. I was decided, I was undecided. I told the person I was coming, and then I wasn't, and then that I might. I left it up in the air, because I didn't know just how much, when it came right down to it, I'd be willing to give.

The time drew near for me to get ready. So I got ready, just in case I decided to go.

I walked my dog, just in case.

I put on my dress and my pantyhose and my makeup, just in case.

I looked up directions, just in case.

But then, minutes from when I needed to leave, I sat forlornly on the couch thinking, “I really don't want to go. What's in it for me? Will this person even care? Probably not.”

As if on cue (because, of course, it was His cue), God answered simply, “Show up or shut up.”

As usual, I'm ashamed to say, it took conviction from God to make me get it.

So many times, we want our lives to move forward but we're not willing to show up to make that happen. We want it to just happen on its own, even if we're not conscious of it. I told God I was willing to do whatever it took, but when it came right down to it, He had to speak to me to get me off the couch! I'm learning that life (and by life, I mean God) doesn't work by wishing. He wants to know that we're going to take that step. He wants to know we're committed. He's not going to hand us something when He doesn't know what we're going to do with it.

He wants me to stop saying “This should be!” and start saying “What can I do to make this happen?”

Stop saying, “This should change!” and start saying “I'm going to work to change this.”

Stop saying, “That's a great idea!” and start saying, “Here's the next step to that idea.”

Because if I'm not willing...how can I expect anyone else to be willing? How can I expect others to be giving when I'm stingy? Gracious when I'm angry? Forgiving when I'm hard-hearted? Committed when I'm waffly? Sacrificial when I'm selfish?

How can I expect more from others than what I'm willing to give myself?


More than that - how can I ask God to take His 99 steps if I'm not willing to take my one?

I stood up, strapped on my heels, picked up my purse, kissed my poodle goodbye, and left. I drove white-knuckled through the rain. I showed up that night, only slightly worse for wear, and I'll never forget how surprised the person I was there to support was a result.

If you ask me right now, I'm not sure how much of a difference it made. I'd like to think my going was significant, that my presence showed the person support and encouragement and respect and that I can be counted on. But I don't know if any of that is true. I'm not sure how much it mattered, and maybe I'll never know.

But what I do know is that I showed up. I did what I knew I had to do, if I'm being honest, to live with myself. I did everything I could do – what I knew God wanted me to do. Because, as I replied back to God that night, well, Heaven knows I'm not going to shut up.

The List

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. -Hebrews 4:16

You might not know this about me, but I am a list-maker.  

I wasn't always one, but as I've gotten older, I've found list-making to be the best way to keep track of important things like time and money.  I used to go to the grocery store without a list, buy random things, and then get home without a full set of ingredients for anything.  Before I had a full time job, I would meander through my days without structure and end up settling down at 9pm to get done what I should have been doing all day long.

Now, though, I make lists for practically everything.  Lists of things to buy at the store, things that need to be done, people I need to reach out to - the list, ironically, goes on and on.  I plan my days off by listing what needs to be cleaned and errands that need to be run.  I manage my life by keeping a constant list in my head.

The past few weeks have been challenging ones for me.  Without going into detail, since the detail isn't really important, let's just say that my world has flipped on its axis a bit and everything is heightened, confusing, and unknown.  In the natural, at least, that's the way it appears.

God has been speaking to me a lot, though, especially in the past week or so.  Even when I don't even realize I'm praying, I'm praying.  He's spoken through everything possible - people, places, events, circumstances, road signs, and by literally stopping me mid-kerfluffled-mind-rant during church.  He's spoken audibly. He's lobbed cosmic cream pies at my face one right after the other.  And everything that He has been speaking to me has seemed just totally impossible.  My general response to what He's been saying has been, "Uh huh - I'll believe it when I see it."

Hypocrite much?  Anyway...

This past week, I've heard from two very different yet very strong, spiritual ladies about lists.  Twice, now, I listened to a woman I admired and trusted in faith tell me that during a similar time in her life, she put pen to paper and made a list of what she was believing for from God.  Both women said it felt a little silly, a little frivolous, but that they were believing for what God spoke to them and for the longings and desires He had put in their hearts.  And that, miraculously, every single thing on those lists came true.

After last night, when the second woman told me her story about her list, I couldn't get this idea off my mind. I'm a list-maker.  I make lists for literally everything else.  And so, this afternoon, I picked up my little notebook that I carry around everywhere, turned on a song that I've been listening to on repeat for six weeks now, clicked my purple pen and began to write.

First, I wrote at the top everything God had spoken to me.  And then under it, I made a list of what I wanted, what the deepest desires of my heart are, based on what He said.

Now, I'm a miracle-believing Christian.  Mark 10:27 is my life verse.  I have seen and witnessed miracles of every kind and I will be the first to tell you to believe for what God has spoken to you.  But writing these things down felt like the craziest, silliest, most frivolous, and most pie-in-the-sky fairy-dust thing I have ever done in my life.  (And oh, I've done some crazy stuff - just ask my mother!)

I'm ashamed to say it, but it just seems so ridiculous.  Writing all these things down feels like I'm a five year old making a list of what she'll do when she grows up to be a princess who lives on a cloud at the end of a rainbow with pixies.

And yet, here it is.

Earlier this week, I shared with my pastor some of the things God had spoken to me and that I was hesitant to believe it.  He looked at me and said, "Don't you believe God can do that?"

Well.  Um.  I didn't really have an answer.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” -Mark 10:27

It's right there.  I guess I don't really have a choice.  Which, to be honest, is actually kind of great.

I made my list.  Now it's up to God to begin checking things off.

Just Decide To

I've been watching Aaron Sorkin's brilliant new show "The Newsroom" and loving it.  (PS, it's a  2012 version of "Sports Night," but I digress.)  The show centers around Will McAvoy, news anchor, and MacKenzie McHale, his former love and now his executive producer.  Will and MacKenzie have it, that connection, that kismet, that spark.  They're partners.  They're a team. What they can do together is a hundred thousand times more than what they can do separately, and they both know it.  

Will is reluctant, at first, to work with MacKenzie - mainly because he's scared.  He wants to be liked by his audience.  He's worried about ratings.  He doesn't want to change or do things the way he knows MacKenzie expects him to do them.  He's analytical and prescriptive and basically he's let fear back him into a corner - the corner of being non-committal.  He's brilliant and charismatic and deep - he has what it takes  - but for years he's let fear keep him from really doing what he's meant to do.

MacKenzie is, well, pretty much fearless.  She jumps in with both feet and she believes in what she's doing with all she has.  She doesn't care about ratings or being unpopular. She wears her heart on her sleeve, often to her own embarrassment.  She gives people the benefit of the doubt - her team, the audience, everyone.  Most importantly, she gives Will the benefit of the doubt.  She sees what he's afraid to see in himself.  She believes in him and what he - what they, together - can do. She's fierce, and she won't give up on him.

They are being called to a higher order in the news show they create.  They want to do better.  They want to educate, inform, enlighten, and really to do what they do the best they can.

But they can't do it without each other.

At the end of the pilot episode, the president of the station shares a bourbon with Will.  He talks about a time when they did the news well.  How?  "We just decided to," he says.

Will almost doesn't.  He plays around.  He has silly arbitrations written into MacKenzie's contract to give him  a sense of control.  In the second episode, he goes behind her back and writes content into the show he knows she wouldn't approve.  After that show, MacKenzie confronts him and says one decisive line, "Are you in or are you out?"

I firmly believe God has a purpose, a calling, a specific plan for each of our lives.  I'll believe that as long as I live.  I've read theories and articles and Biblical interpretations that God doesn't really care what we do as long as we're serving Him, but try as I might, I can't buy it.  The God I know, by Heaven, knows what it is He wants me to be doing.  He's not shy about telling me, either.  He created me, He put in me what's in me, and He's put the people and opportunities in my life for a reason.  Sorry, but we're not all just wandering around in each other's paths by accident here, folks.

And guess what?  He's done the same for you.  He has a plan for you.  He has a purpose for you, things He wants you to do for His kingdom, ways in which He has gifted and equipped and enabled you to do His will.  People He's put in your path to work with and beside to make those things happen.  Will to your MacKenzie.  MacKenzie to your Will.

He's calling you to something higher than what you've been doing up until now.  He's calling you to do better.  He's calling you to use what He's given you for ministry.  Make no mistake - He definitely is!  It might not be easy.  Dare I say it, it might even be difficult or seem impossible.  It'll take you breaking out of your comfort zone, whatever that means for you.  If you're impulsive, it'll take patience.  If you're scrupulous and analytical, it'll take faith.  It'll take courage to step out, strength to be vulnerable, and - dare I say this, too - commitment to what God is putting in front of you.  You can't serve God halfway and expect it to work in any way.

MacKenzie asked Will, "Are you in or are you out?" and then left him alone to think about it.  A few hours later, he called her and simply said, "I'm in."

Just decide to.  

Because ultimately, as another line from "The Newsroom" says, "It's going to come down, as it always does, to who shows up."

Then I heard the Lord asking, "Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?" I said, "Here I am. Send me." -Isaiah 6:8

Under My Umbrella

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." -Jesus, Matthew 21:22

I gave the children's sermon in church this week.  It was all about faith - the idea that when we pray, we need to actually believe that God not only can but will do what we ask.  The illustration I gave to the children was the idea of praying for rain in the middle of a drought, as we are here in North Carolina, but then not carrying an umbrella around in expectation of the rain.  If we pray for rain, why aren't we preparing for it?

I was about halfway through studying the children's sermon on Saturday evening when I realized I was going to be preaching directly to myself.

How often do I pray for rain and then don't even carry my umbrella?

How often do I pray for a miracle but then I don't live with the expectation that God is going to do it?

I've often heard that old quote, "Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed" - and I hate it!  It's totally the opposite of faith.  The Bible says that God responds to our faith.  In fact, our lack of faith limits the power of God.  In the Gospel reading we read this week, Jesus is back in His home town, ready to preach and teach and heal, but no one believed He could perform miracles.  So He didn't.  "He could not do any miracles there [...] And He was amazed at their lack of faith." -Mark 6:5-6

It's when we actually believe that God can and will do it that miracles happen.  When Jesus performed miracles and healed people, what did He so often say?  "Your faith has made you well." (Mark 5:34, Luke 18:42).  Not "Oh, I felt like healing someone today, and lucky you, you're it!" or "Well, I guess I have nothing better to do, so here's some of God's power - enjoy!"  

Their faith brought about God's action.  Because of their belief, God responded in kind.

This evening, ironically, the sky threatened rain.  Even so, determined to get some exercise, I dragged my toy poodle around the two-mile hiking trail circling the lake where we live.  I usually have a walking buddy, but tonight I didn't, so God became my walking buddy. While we walked, I prayed.  My prayer came on gradually - so gradually that at first I wasn't even conscious of it - but three-quarters of the way around the lake, I was actually praying aloud.  (The people who heard me as they ran past either thought I was crazy or had a really small Bluetooth headset!)  In that moment, I prayed for a miracle.  I didn't beg, I didn't plead, I didn't cajole, I didn't say "if You feel like it, Lord."  No, I prayed.  I boldly approached the throne of grace, stood on the confidence of the name of Jesus granted to me in the Bible, and asked for a miracle because I believe it is God's will and I know what I am asking for is going to bring God an incredible amount of glory.

Now, I'm going to be living in expectation.  I asked for rain, so you'd better believe I'm going to be carrying my umbrella.

Not Just A Snuggly Genie

I was reading Bianca Olthoff's very inspirational blog the other day when I ran across a pearl of wisdom she had written about dating and marriage - to sum up, it went this way:  "The way a person loves God will be how he or she will love you."

I started really thinking about that...and it's made me sit back and take a long, hard look at my relationship with God.

I thought about how I interact with God in relation to how I approach my other relationships.  Some of the questions that came into my mind were:

-Do I set aside purposeful, dedicated time to spend with God, investing in being with just Him on a regular (as in, not just when I feel like it) basis?

-Do I seek out His heart?  Do I strive to learn what pleases Him, what He desires from me, and what I can do to serve Him better?

-Do I listen - really listen - to what He is trying to tell me about what He wants from and for me?

-Do I tell others with enthusiasm and adoration how much I love Him and how happy I am that He is my God?

Let's just say I was not comfortable nor happy with how I felt about the answers to these questions.

Lately, if I'm being honest, I've been treating God as little more than a Snuggie with magical powers.  Someone who can simultaneously hold me and stroke my hair while making everything all better.  A genie with a big lap and a James Earl Jones voice who has no qualms whatsoever about telling me how much He loves me.  Score!

Which...that's great.  God is that.  But He is so much more, too.

God wants more from me than just running to Him with my broken toy in a grubby outstretched hand to be fixed.  I'm not a toddler in the faith anymore.  He wants a relationship with me - a mutual, give and take, invested, reciprocal, adult relationship.  Except - score times infinity! - this is a relationship with the God who created me, loves me unconditionally, sent His Son to die for me, forgives all my sins, and knows every hair on my head and every step I should take to walk out His perfect plan for my life.

But in this relationship, I'm the one who needs to step up to the plate.

I need to learn how to listen to Him rather than just telling Him what needs fixing.  I need to spend time in worship rather than wailing.  I need to put the work that I so wilfully, selflessly, and persistently put into my other relationships into the Most Important One of all.

Good news is, the thing about me that anyone who knows me will tell you is that I will work at relationships.  When I invest in someone, by Heaven, I go all in.  I will clamp on with pit-bull faith and there is no shaking me.  That's because I learned from The Best.  Even with all of my taking Him for granted, my Abba, Daddy, Creator, and Lord is always here to be my Healer, my Guide, my Snuggie, and my Savior.  

And I'm taking myself to task to be better at reciprocating His investment in me from now on.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." -Deuteronomy 6:5

Persistence is Totally Not Futile

"Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up." -Luke 18:1

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." -Galatians 6:9

Here's a little background information you need to know for this story:  I am a member of a small but mighty Baptist church in Raleigh.  We're about 60 or so people strong, our picturesque, historic sanctuary sitting on a corner right off of one of Raleigh's major highways.  The church building has been there since the 1800's.  We're close-knit, loving, supportive, and though we're not perfect, with God's help, we work together well in ministry and faith to reach out to the community and strengthen each other in the Holy Spirit.

When God called me to Raleigh in 2007, He made it very clear to my best friends and me that we were to go to this church.  Right around that same time, the church got a new pastor who was determined to stick with us for the long haul.  Pretty much ever since then, we've all been praying and believing that we'll be able to build a new, multi-purpose building, as the church building we have is lovely but not nearly big enough to contain all the ministries we want to see flourish.  We need more space, more room, more amenities, just more, really, in order to fulfill God's will for our church.

A year and a half ago, made possible by the very generous donation from two of our longtime members, we broke ground with gold-painted shovels at our Homecoming service and believed in Jesus' name we would be watching our new building being built within a year.  After many a long, trying rigmarole with the city to get permits and approvals and all such legal things about which I'm vastly ignorant, we finally were able to move forward with the building this spring.  It has been a tangible, touchable proof of God fulfilling His promises.  The old parsonage was torn down, the ground across the parking lot from the church was leveled, and our new building began to take shape.

But then, at a business meeting in April, when the ground was leveled and the framework of the building was already starting to be put up, we learned that we were somehow $18,000 short of the mark.

That might not seem like a lot, but $18,000 to a church of less than 100 active members, many of which are by no means flush with extra finances, was huge.

It was like watching a train - a purposeful, God-driven, Holy-Spirit-filled train - screech to a halt right in front of us.

$18,000?  It might as well have been a million.  

I felt the defeat in the room as I sat in the sanctuary during the meeting.  I felt the disappointment.  The confusion.  The sadness.  How could this happen?  This doesn't make sense!  What does God want?  How is this even possible?

It felt like the rug was pulled out from under us at just the moment we were getting comfortable on it.

From April until early May, we fidgeted about in an awkward, uncomfortable feeling of confusion and unknowing.  The funds weren't there.  The silence was deafening.  What were we going to do?

For all intents and purposes, that was it.  It was impossible.  It couldn't be done.  We were short.  We weren't enough.  We couldn't do it.  The framework of the building was up, but we didn't have what it took to finish it.

But God.  But God.

At the Cinco de Mayo dinner I prepared for my boyfriend and my married best friends, the wife of the couple (also the music director at the church) shared with me an idea she'd been given straight from God about how we could raise the extra money we needed.  I admit, I tried to share in her excitement, but it was hard for me to believe that it could be done.  It really did seem impossible.  How could we raise that much money?  I honestly doubted if we'd ever see the building come to fruition.  We'd been waiting for so long, and there was probably a lot longer to wait.  I mean, there always had been before.  Why would now be any different?  It would be sometime in the future, maybe, that we'd actually see the building completed.  Maybe.  We'll see.

The framework was up, but whether or not we'd ever see the rest of it flushed out was totally up in the air.

That was a little over a month ago.  Sitting in church this past Sunday, I watched the announcements flash on the projector screen and my eyes focused on what I read about the building.  We'd started with a need of raising $18,000...and in just a little over a month, now we only have about $3,000 left.

$15,000 in a month.  In a church that's been waiting for funds for a new building for five years.

What?  That happened??

We could have given up.  We could have accepted defeat.  We could have said, "It's too hard, it's too much work, it can't be done."  That honestly would have probably been easier.

But God.  Instead of giving up, we all just had to give a little bit more.  Put in a little more extra effort, extra work, extra sacrifice.  Lay down on the altar just a little more of ourselves.  Say and mean, "I'm in this for the long haul.  I know this is the real deal.  I believe in what we're doing and I'm going to show that by stepping up and giving what's needed."

We're not finished.  We still have quite a ways to go.  But because of our Lord and His gift of persistence, we will see our building finished and see all our ministries flourish and see our God being glorified as a result.  It's God's will, and because it is, it will happen.

Walking around in the so-very-close-to-finished building this Sunday afternoon, I heard the Holy Spirit whispering, "Look what happens when you don't give up."

It was just what I needed to hear.

BUT GOD.

This is the first of what I'm sure will be a several-part series I'm going to call "BUT GOD."  You see, I find there are so many set ideas and glib, deadpanned one-liners of "good advice" that the secular world lives by and likes to try to give to me. They're easy to believe, because they're so deeply ingrained into our society and the way we treat each other and think about ourselves.  However, I find they're often the opposite of the way the Bible and our Lord, through it, tells me I should act.  For me, those two little words, but God, are game-changers.


Now, whenever I'm going through a situation and I'm getting advice from all around from well-meaning friends and family members, I often get overwhelmed to the point where I have to stop and sift through it like I'm straining sand for gold.  When that happens, I take a moment to stop and listen to what Daddy says, I hear those words, but God...and then take everything anyone else is saying through the filter of what God says I should do.


For example:


The world tells me whenever someone hurts me, I have every right to be angry and I should make that person suffer whatever consequences I choose.  They deserve what they get and good for me for doling it out. That'll teach 'em they can't treat me that way!


BUT GOD says no!  It's not my job to punish others.  I'm to treat anyone who hurts me with love and grace. "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." -Ephesians 4:31-32


The world tells me I should stand up for myself, be prideful, have a backbone.  Don't let anyone see me cry.  Be a strong woman and don't let anyone walk all over me.


BUT GOD says to humble myself before Him and before others, that it takes a stronger woman to be humble than it does to be self-righteous, and that He will give me the grace I need to do it.  "Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.'" -1 Peter 5:5


The world tells me that when someone can't give me "what I want," I should ditch them and find someone else who can, because I "deserve better."


BUT GOD says, instead, to have patience, show graciousness, and pray.  It's not about what others can give me, but how much of God's grace I can show them. " Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love." -Ephesians 4:2


The world tells me that when something goes wrong, that's it.  No second chances.  You had your chance and you blew it.  Sorry 'bout your luck, but we're through.


BUT GOD says, of course, to be forgiving - every single time, time and time again.  "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." -Colossians 3:12-13


The world tells me (this one's my favorite) to give up, to quit being a silly little girl with crazy ideas, to stop believing for the impossible and stop expecting things from God or from others.  She who expects nothing will never be disappointed, right?


BUT GOD says to ask, seek, and knock, to approach Him with confidence, and to use the power of Jesus' name to boldly step out in faith for what He's put in my heart and expect to see miracles! "Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.'” -Mark 10:27


BUT GOD.  Two little words that change the entire conversation.

Anything But Gracious

"The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love." -Psalm 145:8

What does it mean to be gracious?

Being gracious means being gentle, being forgiving, being slow to anger, merciful, and compassionate.  It means cutting the other person some slack.  It means not reacting even if you're justified in doing so.

It means being like God.

I admit, I often want to throw temper tantrums. I want to freak out and melt down and scream and cry and pound on the floor with my fists.  I want to cause a ruckus until I get what I want, you big meanie!

If I did, though, I think my life would look vastly different, and definitely not in a good way.

I'm just going to come out and say it:  my Daddy, God, prevents me from doing a lot of stupid stuff.

A couple Saturdays ago, when I was sitting alone during my lunch break at work, God reminded me of a moment about six months ago when I wanted to throw a temper tantrum the likes of which the world has never seen.  It just kept coming back to me, this moment, like it was yesterday.  I was hurt and angry and upset and I wanted to demand that the car I was in turn itself right around and go back again.  I wanted to pick up my toys and go home and that would be that.  How dare you do this to me?!

I really wanted to.  I almost did, in fact.  But I knew - with God's help, I remember that somehow I knew - that I wasn't supposed to behave that way.  Not now.  Not this time.  I wasn't supposed to throw the temper tantrum.  I literally, no word of a lie, was not able to.  Instead, I had to be gracious.  And with my Lord's very real help, I was.

God reminded me of how that moment, that hour, felt.  I remembered all the feelings of hurt and how I wanted to just throw in the towel right there.  And then He whispered, "Aren't you glad you didn't?"

My breath caught.  Sitting there at one of the little tables they have for us to sit outside and enjoy the sunshine amidst the concrete of the corporate call center where I work, I realized what could have been if I hadn't listened to God.  If He hadn't physically prevented me from throwing the tantrum I wanted to.  How different things would be.  How much I would have missed.  How much of God's will would not have been done.  How much of a tragedy it would have all been.  I honestly nearly cried right there thinking about it.

How much does being gracious really cost you?  Your pride, for a moment?  Is pride really worth it?  Not for my money.  Pride in being indignant, superior, offended...versus being kind, forgiving, and loving?  Being known as gentle rather than tough?  Being real with someone rather than putting up a wall of "protection"?

When I realized how much God had saved me from myself that day six months ago, it was all I could do not to kneel down on the ground right there in the middle of my workday and praise Him.  I probably should have, to be honest.  I did later, when I drove home from work and stopped at my church, kneeling at the altar in humble thankfulness.

I want Daddy to continue to keep me from my temper tantrums.  They don't accomplish anything.  Grace is what moves relationships, ministries, and God's will forward.  And if I'm known as gentle rather than tough, well, that's just fine by me.

Because in my experience, I can't afford to be anything but gracious.

Kerfluffled!

If you didn't already know, I live in North Carolina.  Last night during the primaries, Amendment One was passed.  If you don't know what Amendment One is, you can find it here.

Now, since this is not nor will it ever be a political blog, I am not going to discuss my opinions on Amendment One or how I voted.  That's not the point - because, honestly, my opinions really don't matter.  Amendment One passed and now, regardless of how you voted or what you believe, it's up to us to deal with the myriad results.

However, the passing of this amendment has caused a lot of people, including some very close to me, to become quite upset.  They've got a wild hair.  They're frothed up.  They're kerfluffled.  And that's a feeling I'm very familiar with, and about which God continues to work with me every day.

Being kerfluffled isn't fun.  It's kind of awful.  It's like flapping your arms around in the deep end of a swimming pool when you're trying to get to the other side.  It's posturing and pontificating and wailing and doing everything but what you should be doing in the situation.  Doesn't matter why, or what it's about - your relationships, your work, your ministry, your friends, your family, your state, your country, or even the world and everyone in it - ultimately, being kerfluffled in and of itself does absolutely nothing except make you look silly.

Bottom line: being kerfluffled is getting over-the-top upset about something you have absolutely no control over and expecting that to make some sort of difference.  It won't.  Trust me.  I do it a lot.  And I've spent weeks and months and years flapping my arms around at God wailing and frothing at the mouth while He's been watching me with a divine raised eyebrow waiting for me to tire myself out like a toddler and then just go take a nap and let Him do the work He's been wanting to do all along.

So then, what can we do?  What happens when things aren't working out the way we want or what God told us seems impossible or nothing is going according to plan? Well, here's a bit of what my Lord has been teaching me, if you're interested.  (Keep in mind, God lovingly but firmly beats these into me nearly every waking moment, so I'm telling myself all this just as much, and probably more, as anyone else.)

1. Pray. I could and probably will write a whole blog post (or 100) on just this.  Pray.  We often say, "All we can do now is pray," but prayer is actually the most powerful thing we can do.  It is harnessing the divine power of God, the supreme privilege of doing that which has been given to us as Christians when we pray faithfully and believe our prayers have meaning. And yet we so often overlook it, thinking we can handle things ourselves.  Go to the power source first - it's right there!

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.  With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people." -Ephesians 6:18

2. Calm down and trust God.  Quit. Just stop.  No, seriously - sit down and be quiet.  Stop being indignant and angry and riled up.  Tame that wild hair.  You are not a martyr.  You are not the Only Person Who Can Fix It.  In fact, you can't fix it at all - only God can.  Things will go a lot faster if you just let Him.  Stop looking at the problem and start looking at The Solution.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." -Romans 15:13

3. Be an example of Christ.  No one is going to listen to you if you are acting unloving, belligerent, defensive, and immature.  Do you reward a child who is throwing a temper tantrum?  The way to surprise people and to do God's work is and will always be to be an example of Christ.  That means being sacrificial, giving people the benefit of the doubt, and loving unconditionally.  It's really hard - believe me, I know.  But it's what God commands us to do.  What's the alternative?


"But Jesus called them unto him, and said, 'Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them.  But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; and whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.'" -Matthew 20:25-28


4. Don't give up.  "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." -Galatians 6:9, emphasis mine - I couldn't have said it better.


Stop being kerfluffled.  Calm down, pray, trust God, and don't give up - in whatever situation you are facing.  Also, know that you're not alone - with God's help, I am endeavoring to do the very same.

Living Gratefully

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I haven't been posting much in my dear little blog lately, and for that, I'm sorry.  I have about six posts started, though, so hopefully there will be more reading material here soon!

What I have been doing instead of posting, though, has been incredible.  I've been living - living in the fullness of the incredible blessings God has graciously showered on me in the last eight months or so.  It is an amazing season in my life - one in which God is being glorified in ways I've been praying and believing for since I spent my year in the wilderness with Him in England in 2006.  That year when He took me, molded me, pounded on me, worked in me, softened me, and began what I didn't know would be a five-year process of turning me into Who I Needed To Be for that next step.

I can hardly believe it, but that next step is now.

Ministry.  Partnership.  Art.  Inspiration.  Edification.  Leadership.  Love.  In 2006, God spoke to me about all these things, telling me that in the future He would bring me together with someone who would be a leader in ministry and with whom I would share many passions about art, theater, writing, and faith.  We would work together in active, powerful ways to bring others closer to our Lord - work we couldn't do alone.  One would be strong where the other was weak.  One would be faithful when the other struggled.  He dragged me into that place of isolation to work on me and gave me glimpses of the future in order to help me get through the desert.

Some of the things God told me during that time were, "You can't do it.  I have to do it. Let Me do it,"  "It will be hard, but it will be worth it," and "Your future life is going to look completely different from anything you could ever imagine."


Oh my, but how true that all was.

Seven months ago, I walked into a local coffee shop and met a smiling young man after a week of exchanging long emails and deep thoughts.  That night, we ended up sitting in his car until after 2 in the morning talking about God.  And we've been talking about Him ever since.

Our relationship didn't happen overnight. (That's another story - or several - for another time!)  But it has so clearly been God's will this whole time.  He spoke to both of us individually, many times.  He spoke to us together - and still does, every week when we go to two church services together.  We ended up building our relationship on deep friendship and mutual faith, and the strength of the foundation we have is something I praise God for every day.

Now, I am proud and honored to call him so much more than my boyfriend.  He is my ministry partner, my inspiration, and quite often my spiritual leader.  We are working in ministry together in ways I never dreamed of or thought possible.  We are bringing people together in supportive faith who would never be so otherwise.  With God's help, we are walking out His will side by side.  Even more, I am watching everything that God spoke to me in 2006 become reality.

I wake up every morning praising God for His blessings, and spend every day praying about all that He is doing.  As so often happens in life, things are uncertain right now about our ministry and our future.  If I choose to let myself, I could get completely stymied in fear and not be able to keep going with what I know needs to be done.  It's a real temptation for me - but I know that would not be Respecting the Blessing, or the God who has given it.

So I am choosing to live gratefully.  God deserves praise and honor and glory for everything He is doing.  He also deserves my respect and trust to take care of everything according to His will.  It's not easy for me (though it should be, after more than 20 years of knowing God), but I am choosing to trust Him.  "Chill out, sweetie - just trust Me!" is what He has been saying this whole time.  And that has proven, obviously, to be the best thing indeed.

"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind.  Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" -Numbers 23:19

It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true. -Rascal Flatts

Stay tuned - there will be more to come!

Every Day is Easter

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay." -Matthew 28:5-6

Holy Week is always a busy week for me, but this year it was especially so. I was working. My parents were visiting from Pennsylvania and staying with me and my dog in my apartment for a week - three people and two dogs in my two-bedroom apartment! Just like every year, I directed our church's drama team to put on a Good Friday play to bring to life the story of the crucifixion, so we had rehearsals and of course a church service in the evening on Good Friday. My sister's college touring choir stopped in Raleigh for a performance. My boyfriend met my family for the first time. Also, he and I are two different denominations of Christian, so we went to the sunrise Easter service at my church early this morning and then went to his church's service a few hours later.

Let's just say it was a lot. A wonderful, God-glorifying time, which I wouldn't trade for the whole world, really...but, still, kind of a lot.

And I did what I swore I would never do: I let myself, just for a bit, forget the whole reason we were doing all of this in the first place. I didn't even realize it, but I had.

See, to me, Easter is the ultimate Christian holiday. I know a lot of people make Christmas out to be the biggest, but frankly, a virgin birth pales in comparison to Jesus rising from the dead. I know, ipso facto, grant the premise, He had to be born in order to die...but c'mon. The whole point was for Jesus to be crucified and rise again. Christmas is great, but that's just the exposition of the story. Easter is the climax.

And yet, I'd unknowingly let myself get so busy with church activities and family and work - all blessings! - that I, like so many others do, usually ironically at Christmas - forgot what it was really about.

But then, suddenly, the whirlwind was over. It was around two o'clock this afternoon, after two church services and Easter lunch. My parents had packed up and were headed back to Pennsylvania. My boyfriend, also exhausted, had gone home. I was left alone with my dog for the first time in more than a week...and, inexplicably, I was so lonely I wanted to cry.

"What is wrong with me?" I kept thinking over and over as I held my dog and squeezed her. (She was probably thinking the same thing!)

Then I realized - that's it. That's the whole point. Jesus rose from the dead. He defeated sin and death so we would never have to be alone. Because of His sacrifice - because of His victory! - nothing will ever, again or since, separate us from the love of God.

How awful would it be if there was no Easter? How awful would it be if He had not risen?

But He did. Praise God!

Because He lives...I can face tomorrow, all fear is gone, and I know Who holds the future. And that's what makes it Easter every single day.

The Tough Get Loving

"Human affection is not poured forth vainly, even though it meet no return." -Mary Baker Eddy, "Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures"

The older I get, the more I come to understand how difficult it can be to really get close to someone else. There's a lot at stake: pride, emotions, faith. We're complicated. We're scared. We have issues and baggage and pasts. The truth of the matter is that we're all fragile, instinctively self-protecting creatures who, often despite ourselves, have an irrepressible need for love and relationships.

Otherwise, we'd all be floating around in our own little life-bubbles like some science fiction sitcom gone terribly wrong. Can't you just picture it? "Hi, Susie." "Oh, hi Fred!" "What's going on?" "Oh, nothing. Nothing can hurt me in this bubble!" "I know, isn't it great?!" "Okay, well, I'm gonna go float over here now for awhile." "Okay, see you later!" Cue the fake applause.

See, it doesn't work.

We're made for relationships. We're made to get involved, to get messy, to get our hands in up to our elbows in each other's muck and get deeply invested. When we don't, we're not living the fullest life God intends for us.

But the other, harder truth of the matter is that everyone you really love will, eventually, hurt you in some way. Everyone you really invest in will (probably unintentionally) do something to make you upset or angry or feel unloved or without value. Everyone you give your heart to, in any capacity, will disappoint you somehow. Parents, children, spouses, friends, family, church members, coworkers. It's just a part of being in the world.

As Christians, though, we're in the world, but not of the world...so how does that translate into our relationships?

Over the last few months, many of my friends have come to me to talk, vent, and sometimes cry, hurt and frustrated with other people in their lives. They express their angst with phrases that have often echoed in my own mind and heart. Phrases like, How long do I have to keep waiting? Why aren't I good enough? How much more do I have to give? Is it even worth it? Will the reward ever be worth the risk?

Their experiences - as well as my own - have brought me into a deeper understanding of what love really is, and what God means when he instructs us on how to love. If you needed to describe God with one word, that word would be love. Sure, He's grace and mercy and forgiveness and peace and justice and comfort too, plus much more, but when it comes right down to it, all of that can be summed up in four little letters: l-o-v-e.

Love isn't just a mushy, poofy feeling that makes your stomach flutter or your heart swell. It's not just sweet words or nice compliments or pacification until that twitterpated feeling runs out and you need another dose. Love is a decision. It's devotion. Commitment. Sacrifice. Giving of yourself even when the other person isn't or can't or isn't quite there. Giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. Choosing to say yes to God, and choosing to say to the other person, "You're more important than I am." Giving whatever it is you have in yourself to give, and trusting God with the rest.

Why? Because that's what God does. Don't mistake it - God wants us to love Him just as He loves us. He desires our praise and devotion and adoration and worship, but He doesn't withhold His love from us if we don't give it. He doesn't stop loving us, stop giving of Himself, stop pouring out His blessings, when we're distant or cold or ignore Him - or even worse, when we say we don't believe at all. He never stops loving. He never asks if we're worth it. All the time, He's right there. The moment Jesus gave up His life on the cross was the ultimate demonstration of, "You are more important than I am."

In my own moments of questioning or angst or heartbreak, I've often cried out to God in frustration those same questions I wrote above. I'm scared. It's so risky. Is it really worth it? Over the past few months and years, God has taught me that loving someone is always worth it, because ultimately, that love is from Him. And no matter the outcome, it will bring the other person and me, as well, that much closer to God - the ultimate and only source of love in the first place. When your first source of affection is God's unconditional, unfailing love, the love you get from everyone else is just icing on the cake.

So what happens when, inevitably, your relationships get tough? Well, from what I can tell, when things get tough, the tough get loving.